The right to clasp her without repulse, which the silver wood had
granted him, had brought him to this second stage in his journey--the
urgent longing to be loved. Then, like a coarse cynicism, discovering in
all love’s loyalties an unsuspected foulness, had come the scene which
he had witnessed in her presence. It had struck the barbaric note,
stripping of conventional pretenses the motives which underlie all
passion. It had revealed to him the direction of impulses which he
himself possessed. Mr. Dak was no worse than any other man, if only the
other man were tantalized sufficiently. Vashti had starved him too much
and relied too much on his awe of her. She was a lion-tamer who had
grown reckless through immunity; the beast had taken her unaware.
Probably Mr. Dak was as surprised as herself.
Teddy understood now what Horace had meant by calling her “a slave of
freedom.” All this gayety which he had envied, which had made him wish
that he was more of a Sir Launcelot and less of a King Arthur--it was
nothing but the excitement of skating over the treacherous thin ice of
sex.
Mr. Dak was no worse than he might be if circumstances pushed him far
enough. Desire had told him as much: “All men are beasts, I expect.”
He felt hot with shame. He sympathized with her virginal anger. He, too,
felt besmirched. But her words rankled; they had destroyed their common
faith in each other. Never again would he be able to approach her with
his old simplicity. Never again would he hear her whisper, “I feel so
safe with you, Meester Deek.” How could she feel safe with him? All
men were beasts. She classed him with the lowest Any moment he might be
swept out of caution into touching and caressing her. They would both
remember the ugliness they had witnessed; she would flinch from him, and
view him with suspicion. He would suspect himself. His very gentleness
would seem to follow her panther-footed.
He returned to the Brevoort, but not to sleep. As he tossed restlessly
in the darkness, he could hear her words of dismissal. She spoke them
sorrowfully with disillusion; she spoke them mockingly; she spoke them
angrily, clenching her white virago fists. It was she who ought to have
said, “Thank God, there are good men.” Her mother had said that She had
said, “All men are beasts, I expect” In the saying of it, she had seemed
to attribute to his courting the disarming smugness of a Mr. Dak. The
silver wood with its magnanimity counted for nothing. Whatever ideals he
had built up for her were shattered by this haphazard brutality.
He shifted his head on the pillow. How did she look when she was tender
and little? His last memory of her had blotted out all that. Rising
wearily, he switched on the light and commenced a search for
the tin-type photograph. At last he found it. Her features were
undiscernible--faded into blackness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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