It was her pride that made her so poignantly tragic--her pose of being
an enviable person. There was no getting behind it except by a brutal
statement of facts. The scene which they had surprised in the apartment
had staged those facts with ugly vividness. Despite the gayety with
which she drugged herself, she must know that her mother’s position made
her fair game for the world’s Mr. Daks. Her way of speaking of her as
“my beautiful mother” was an acknowledgment, and sounded like a defense.
Her fear of losing her maiden liberty, her dread of the natural
responsibilities of marriage, her eagerness to believe the worst of men,
her light friendships, her vague, continually postponed ambitions--they
were all part of the price she was paying. Her glory in her questionable
enfranchisement was the worst part of her penalty; it made what was sad
seem romantic, and kept her blind to the better things in the world. She
did not want to be rescued from the dangers of her position. She ignored
any sacrifice that he might be making and spoke only of the curtailments
that love would bring to her. In putting forward her unattempted career
as an obstacle, she did not recognize that his accomplished career was
in jeopardy while she dallied.
Increasingly since he had landed in New York, his financial outlook had
worried him. At the time of sailing he had had seven hundred pounds in
the bank; then there were the three hundred pounds per annum from his
Beauty Incorporated shares. This, in addition to what he could earn, had
looked like affluence by Eden Row standards. But in the last few months
he had been spending recklessly. The frenzy which held him prevented
work. Commissions from magazines were still uncompleted. His American
and English publishers were urging him to let them have a second
manuscript. He assured them they should have it, but the manuscript was
scarcely commenced. The dread weighed upon him like a nightmare that he
had lost his creative faculty. His intellect was paralyzed; he had only
one object in living--to win her.
And when he had won her, at the rate at which he was now going, marriage
might be impossible. Already he had drawn on his English savings. After
accustoming her to a false scale of expenditure, he could scarcely urge
retrenchment It would seem to prove all her assertions of the dullness
which overtakes a woman when she has placed herself absolutely in
a man’s power. At this stage there was no chance of curtailing his
generosity. So long as they were both in New York the endless round of
theatres, taxis and restaurants must continue. He could not confess to
her how it was draining his resources. It would seem like accusing her
of avarice and himself of poverty. Poverty and the loss of beauty were
the two calamities which filled her heart with the wildest panic.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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