“You seem to be accusing me of self-righteousness when you speak of
other people being understanding. I’m not self-righteous--really I’m
not, Desire--I do wish you’d believe that. Can’t you see why I’m not so
lenient as some of your friends? It’s because I’m so anxious to protect
you. If people are too lenient, it’s usually because they don’t want to
be criticized themselves. But when a man’s in love with a girl, he
doesn’t like to see her doing things that he might encourage her to do
if he didn’t respect her and if they were only out for a good time
together.”
She had frowned while he was speaking. When he ended, she lifted her
gray eyes. “I do understand. I think I understand much more than you’ve
said. But please don’t judge me--that’s what I’m afraid of. I know I’m
all wrong--wrong and stupid in so many directions.--I’ve only found
out how wrong,” her voice dropped, “since I’ve known you.” He felt like
weeping. He had judged her; in spite of his resolutions to let his love
be blind, he had been judging her. Every time he had judged her, her
intuition had warned her. And there she sat abasing herself that she
might treat him with kindness.
He became passionate in her defense. “You’re not wrong. I wouldn’t have
anything, not a single thing in your life altered--nothing, Desire,
from--from the very first. You’re the dearest, sweetest----”
She pressed a finger to her lips and pointed to the mirror. He caught
sight of his strained expression, and remembered they were in public.
While he recovered himself, she did the talking. “I’m not the dearest,
sweetest anything; you don’t see straight. Some day you’ll put on your
spectacles. You’ll see too much that’s bad then. That’s what Horace has
done.--He sailed for England this morning.”
“What’s that? D’you mean he’s broken with----”
She nodded. “Too bad, isn’t it? She didn’t much want him to come to
America, but she’s fearfully cut up now he’s left She was counting
on having such good times with him at Christmas. He didn’t explain
anything; he just went. And----” She made a pyramid of her hands over
which she watched him. “D’you know, she owns up now that some day she
might have married him.”
“But she never told him?”
Desire looked away. “A girl never tells a man that till the last moment.
He got huffy because she was cross with him for taking her to the
country. He didn’t know that when a woman dares to be angry with a man,
it’s quite often a sign that she’s in love with him.”
“Is it?” He asked the question eagerly. Desire had been cross; this
might be the key to her conduct.
She caught his meaning and smiled mysteriously. “Yes--quite often.”
Then, speaking slowly, “I guess most misunderstandings happen between
men and women because they’re not honest with each other.”
The tension broke. “Fancy calling you a man and me a woman,” she
laughed. She bent forward across the table. “We both ought to be
spanked--you most especially.”
“Why me especially?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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