He dared not count on her final act of remorse. She was theatrical by
temperament. To arrive at the last moment when a ship was sailing
had afforded her a fine stage-setting. Her conduct might have meant
everything; it might have meant no more than a girl’s display of
emotionalism.
He began to understand her. It was like her to become desperate to
inveigle him back just when he had resigned himself to forget her. In
the past he had grown afraid to set store by her graciousness or to plan
any kindness for her. To allow her to feel her power over him seemed to
blunt her interest. It was always after he had shown her coldness
that she had shown him most affection. Directly he submitted to her
fascination, she affected to become indifferent. It was a trick that
could be played too often. If this see-saw game was too long continued,
one of them would out-weary the other’s patience. If only he had been
sure that she was missing him, his mind would have been comparatively at
rest.
He disembarked at Fishguard an hour after midnight The December air
was raw and damp. His first action on landing was to dispatch his
journal-letter to her. As he drowsed in the cold, ill-lighted carriage
it was of her that he thought Now that the voyage was ended, the ocean
that lay between them seemed impassable as the gulf that is fixed
between hell and heaven. She had seen the steamer--she had been a topic
of conversation on board; but everything that he saw now, and would see
from now on, was unfamiliar to her.
The entrance into London did nothing to cheer him. He had flying
glimpses of stagnant gardens, windows like empty sockets plugged with
fog, forlorn streets like gutters down which the scavenger dawn wandered
between flapping lamps. London looked mean; even in its emptiness, it
looked overcrowded. He missed the boastful tallness of New York. Before
the train had halted his nostrils were full of the stale stench of
cab-ranks and the sulphurous pollutions of engines. Milk-cans made a
cemetery of the station; porters looked melancholy as mourners. His
gorge rose against the folly of his return.
He had stepped out and was giving instructions about his luggage, when
he heard his name called tremblingly. As he turned, he was swept into
a whirlwind of embraces. His father stood by, preserving his dignity,
giving all the world to understand that a father can disguise his
emotions under all circumstances.
“But how did you get here?” Teddy asked. “It’s so shockingly early.”
“Been here most of the night,” his mother told him, between tears and
laughter. “You didn’t think we were going to let you arrive unmet?
And we didn’t keep Christmas. When we got your cable, we put all our
presents away and waited for you.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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