‘Better not think now, really,’ Litvinov repeated, as he strode along
the street, feeling that the inward riot was rising up again in him.
‘The thing’s decided. She will keep her promise, and it only remains for
me to take all necessary steps.... Yet she hesitates, it seems.’... He
shook his head. His own designs struck even his own imagination in a
strange light; there was a smack of artificiality, of unreality about
them. One cannot dwell long upon the same thoughts; they gradually shift
like the bits of glass in a kaleidoscope ... one peeps in, and already
the shapes before one’s eyes are utterly different. A sensation of
intense weariness overcame Litvinov.... If he could for one short hour
but rest!... But Tanya? He started, and, without reflecting even, turned
submissively homewards, merely struck by the idea, that this day was
tossing him like a ball from one to the other.... No matter; he must
make an end. He went back to his hotel, and with the same
submissiveness, insensibility, numbness, without hesitation or delay, he
went to see Tatyana.
He was met by Kapitolina Markovna. From the first glance at her, he knew
that she knew about it all; the poor maiden lady’s eyes were swollen
with weeping, and her flushed face, fringed with her dishevelled white
locks, expressed dismay and an agony of indignation, sorrow, and
boundless amazement. She was on the point of rushing up to Litvinov, but
she stopped short, and, biting her quivering lip, she looked at him as
though she would supplicate him, and kill him, and assure herself that
it was a dream, a senseless, impossible thing, wasn’t it?
‘Here you ... you are come,’ she began.... The door from the next room
opened instantaneously, and with a light tread Tatyana came in; she was
of a transparent pallor, but she was quite calm.
She gently put one arm round her aunt and made her sit down beside her.
‘You sit down too, Grigory Mihalitch,’ she said to Litvinov, who was
standing like one distraught at the door. ‘I am very glad to see you
once more. I have informed auntie of your decision, our common decision;
she fully shares it and approves of it.... Without mutual love there
can be no happiness, mutual esteem alone is not enough’ (at the word
‘esteem’ Litvinov involuntarily looked down) ‘and better to separate
now, than to repent later. Isn’t it, aunt?’
‘Yes, of course,’ began Kapitolina Markovna, ‘of course, Tanya darling,
the man who does not know how to appreciate you ... who could bring
himself----’
‘Aunt, aunt,’ Tatyana interrupted, ‘remember what you promised me. You
always told me yourself: truth, Tatyana, truth before everything--and
independence. Well, truth’s not always sweet, nor independence either;
or else where would be the virtue of it?’
She kissed Kapitolina Markovna on her white hair, and turning to
Litvinov, she went on:
‘We propose, aunt and I, leaving Baden.... I think it will be more
comfortable so for all of us.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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