Litvinov started, and saw before him his servant with a note in his
hand. He recognised Irina’s writing.... Before he had broken the seal,
he had a foreknowledge of woe, and bent his head on his breast and
hunched his shoulders, as though shrinking from the blow.
He plucked up courage at last, and tore open the envelope all at once.
On a small sheet of notepaper were the following lines:
‘Forgive me, Grigory Mihalitch. All is over between us; I am going away
to Petersburg. I am dreadfully unhappy, but the thing is done. It seems
my fate ... but no, I do not want to justify myself. My presentiments
have been realised. Forgive me, forget me; I am not worthy of
you.--Irina. Be magnanimous: do not try to see me.’
Litvinov read these five lines, and slowly dropped on to the sofa, as
though some one had dealt him a blow on the breast. He dropped the note,
picked it up, read it again, whispered ‘to Petersburg,’ and dropped it
again; that was all. There even came upon him a sense of peace; he even,
with his hands thrown behind him, smoothed the pillow under his head.
‘Men wounded to death don’t fling themselves about,’ he thought, ‘as it
has come, so it has gone. All this is natural enough: I always expected
it....’ (He was lying to himself; he had never expected anything like
it.) ‘Crying?... Was she crying?... What was she crying for? Why, she
did not love me! But all that is easily understood and in accordance
with her character. She--she is not worthy of me.... That’s it!’ (He
laughed bitterly.) ‘She did not know herself what power was latent in
her,--well, convinced of it in her effect at the ball, was it likely she
would stay with an insignificant student?--all that’s easily
understood.’
But then he remembered her tender words, her smile, and those eyes,
those never to be forgotten eyes, which he would never see again, which
used to shine and melt at simply meeting his eyes; he recalled one
swift, timorous, burning kiss--and suddenly he fell to sobbing, sobbing
convulsively, furiously, vindictively; turned over on his face, and
choking and stifling with frenzied satisfaction as though thirsting to
tear himself to pieces with all around him, he turned his hot face in
the sofa pillow, and bit it in his teeth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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