England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; World War, 1914-1918 -- Social aspects -- England -- Fiction
Three long parallelograms existed: pale glimmerings above, cut
two-thirds of the way down by the serrations of chimney pot and
roof-shadows! Nine full paces across the heavy piled carpet; then he
ought to reach his round-backed chair, by the left-hand window. He
reached his round-backed chair by the left-hand window. He sank into it;
it fitted exactly his back. He imagined that no man had ever been so
tired and that no man had ever been so alone! A small, alive sound
existed at the other end of the room; in front of him existed one and a
half pale parallelograms. They were the reflection of the windows of the
mirror; the sound was no doubt Calton, the cat. Something alive, at any
rate! Possibly Sylvia at the other end of the room, waiting for him, to
see what he looked like. Most likely! It didn't matter!
His mind stopped! Sheer weariness!
When it went on again it was saying:
"Naked shingles and surges drear . . ." and, "On these debatable borders
of the world!" He said sharply: "Nonsense!" The one was either _Calais
beach_ or _Dover sands_ of the whiskered man: Arnold. . . . He would be
seeing them both within the twenty-four hours. . . . But no! He was
going from Waterloo. Southampton, Havre, therefore! . . . The other was
by that detestable fellow: "the subject of our little monograph!" . . .
What a long time ago! . . . He saw a pile of shining despatch cases: the
inscription "_This rack is reserved for_ . . .": a coloured--pink and
blue!--photograph of Boulogne sands and the held up squares, the proofs
of "our little . . ." What a long time ago! He heard his own voice
saying in the new railway carriage, proudly, clearly and with male
hardness:
"_I stand for monogamy and chastity. And for no talking about it. Of
course if a man who's a man wants to have a woman he has her. And again
no talking about it_. . . ." His voice--his own voice--came to him as if
from the other end of a long-distance telephone. A damn long-distance
one! Ten years . . .
If then a man who's a man wants to have a woman. . . . Damn it, he
doesn't! In ten years he had learnt that a Tommie who's a decent fellow.
. . . His mind said at one and the same moment, the two lines running
one over the other like the two subjects of a fugue:
"Some beguiling virgins with the broken seals of perjury," and:
"Since when we stand side by side, only hands may meet!"
He said:
"But damn it; damn it again! The beastly fellow was wrong! Our hands
didn't meet. . . . I don't believe I've shaken hands. . . . I don't
believe I've touched the girl . . . in my life. . . . Never once! . . .
Not the hand-shaking sort. . . . A nod! . . . A meeting and parting! . . .
English, you know . . . But yes, she put her arm over my shoulders. . . .
On the bank! . . . _On such short acquaintance!_ I said to myself
then . . . Well, we've made up for it since then. Or no! Not made up! . . .
Atoned. . . . As Sylvia so aptly put it; at that moment mother was
dying. . . ."
He, his conscious self, said:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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