The fond hope of Lamb, that his sister would never be so ill again, was not destined to be fulfilled. By the end of the year she was again in the asylum, but always in her brother's thought. During her absence he thus gave utterance to his thoughts:-- I am a widowed thing now thou art gone! Now thou art gone, my own familiar friend, Companion, sister, helpmate, counsellor! Alas! that honoured mind, whose sweet reproof And meekest wisdom in times past have smoothed The unfilial harshness of my foolish speech, And made me loving to my parents old (Why is this so; ah, God! why is this so?) That honoured mind become a fearful blank, Her sense locked up, and herself kept out From human sight or converse, while so many Of the foolish sort are left to roam at large, Do all acts of folly and sin and shame! Thy paths are mystery! Yet I will not think Sweet friend, but we shall one day meet and live In quietness, and die so, fearing God; Or if not--and these false suggestions be A fit of the weak nature, loath to part With what it loved so long and held so dear,-- If thou art to be taken and I left (More sinning, yet unpunished save in thee), It is the will of God, and we are clay In the Potter's hand, and at the worst are made From absolute nothing, vessels of disgrace, Till His most righteous purpose wrought in us, Our purified spirits find their perfect rest. It was not until the death of his father, in the early part of 1799, that Charles felt it desirable to take his sister to his own home. At this time Mary was thirty-five and Charles twenty-five. From this time forward they were, indeed, one. They lived and worked together, thought together, and side by side grew old. They had several changes of residence--always in London or the suburbs. Mary had also many relapses. Both knew she was liable to them, and they lived always on the brink of this great trouble. As for Lamb himself, he was never again subject to the terrible malady. He had no time for brooding. The constant thought required for his sister made him strong--forced him to brace himself to face the stern duty whenever required. And Mary herself fronted the sadness of her lot with fortitude. In preparation for any short holiday together, which they occasionally made, she would with her own hands pack as a necessary article of luggage the strait jacket, which might at any moment be required for use upon herself. There is no picture more pathetic than that presented of this loving brother and sister, how that, after a premonition of the on-coming affliction, they would set out, hand in hand, for her temporary asylum, together weeping over the sadness of their lot. And this continued throughout their lives.