American fiction -- 19th century; Short stories, American
So earnest a desire to please was touching in a man who could so easily
have knocked one down. He looked after the fire and had an opinion on
the draught of the stove without my asking him, and I could see that he
thought many of my arrangements not half knowing. I remember telling him
that if I were only rich I'd offer him a salary to come and teach me how
to live. Sometimes he gave a random sigh of which the essence might have
been: "Give me even such a bare old-barrack as this, and I'd do
something with it!" When I wanted to use him he came alone; which was an
illustration of the superior courage of women. His wife could bear her
solitary second floor, and she was in general more discreet; showing by
various small reserves that she was alive to the propriety of keeping
our relations markedly professional--not letting them slide into
sociability. She wished it to remain clear that she and the Major were
employed, not cultivated, and if she approved of me as a superior, who
could be kept in his place, she never thought me quite good enough for
an equal.
She sat with great intensity, giving the whole of her mind to it, and
was capable of remaining for an hour almost as motionless as before a
photographer's lens. I could see she had been photographed often, but
somehow the very habit that made her good for that purpose unfitted her
for mine. At first I was extremely pleased with her ladylike air, and it
was a satisfaction, on coming to follow her lines, to see how good they
were and how far they could lead the pencil. But after a little
skirmishing I began to find her too insurmountably stiff; do what I
would with it my drawing looked like a photograph or a copy of a
photograph. Her figure had no variety of expression--she herself had no
sense of variety. You may say that this was my business and was only a
question of placing her. Yet I placed her in every conceivable position
and she managed to obliterate their differences. She was always a lady
certainly, and into the bargain was always the same lady. She was the
real thing, but always the same thing. There were moments when I rather
writhed under the serenity of her confidence that she WAS the real
thing. All her dealings with me and all her husband's were an
implication that this was lucky for ME. Meanwhile I found myself trying
to invent types that approached her own, instead of making her own
transform itself--in the clever way that was not impossible for instance
to poor Miss Churm. Arrange as I would and take the precautions I would,
she always came out, in my pictures, too tall--landing me in the dilemma
of having represented a fascinating woman as seven feet high, which (out
of respect perhaps to my own very much scantier inches) was far from my
idea of such a personage.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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