Humorous stories; Washington (State) -- Fiction; Western stories
"Wilbur says I'm too good, not suspicioning I'm just being wily, so he
says he'll write up and fix it. And a couple days later he says the lady
professional is engaged, and it'll cost me fifty, and he shows me her
picture and the dress is all right, and she had a sad, powerful face,
and the date is set and everything.
"Meantime, I keep them two records het up for the benefit of my
reluctant couple: daytime for Nettie--she standing dreamy-eyed while it
was doing, showing she was coming more and more human, understand--and
evenings for both of 'em, when Chester Timmins would call. And Chet
himself about the third night begins to get a new look in his eyes, kind
of absent and desperate, so I thinks this here lady professional will
simply goad him to a frenzy. Oh, we had some sad musical week before
that concert! That was when this crazy Chink of mine got took by the
song. He don't know yet what it means, but it took him all right; he got
regular besotted with it, keeping the kitchen door open all the time, so
he wouldn't miss a single turn. It took his mind off his work, too. Talk
about the Yellow Peril! He got so locoed with that song one day, what
does he do but peel and cook up twelve dollars' worth of the Piedmont
Queen dahlia bulbs I'd ordered for the front yard. Sure! Served 'em with
cream sauce, and we et 'em, thinking they was some kind of a Chinese
vegetable.
"But I was saying about this new look in Chester's eyes, kind of far-off
and criminal, when that song was playing. And then something give me a
pause, as they say. Chet showed up one evening with his nails all
manicured; yes, sir, polished till you needed smoked glasses to look at
'em. I knew all right where he'd been. I may as well tell you that Henry
Lehman was giving Red Gap a flash of form with his new barber
shop--tiled floor, plate-glass front, exposed plumbing, and a manicure
girl from Seattle; yes, sir, just like in the great wicked cities. It
had already turned some of our very best homes into domestic hells, and
no wonder! Decent, God-fearing men, who'd led regular lives and had
whiskers and grown children, setting down to a little spindle-legged
table with this creature, dipping their clumsy old hands into a pink
saucedish of suds and then going brazenly back to their innocent
families with their nails glittering like piano keys. Oh, that young
dame was bound to be a social pet among the ladies of the town, yes--no?
She was pretty and neat figured, with very careful hair, though its
colour had been tampered with unsuccessfully, and she wore little,
blue-striped shirtwaists that fitted very close--you know--with low
collars. It was said that she was a good conversationalist and would
talk in low, eager tones to them whose fingers she tooled.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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