Quoth Sam of Jersey, “I hev seen such things Among them natives, ordered by their kings, As well might make a common pirate weep, And the old devil feel uncommon cheap: Such derned, infernal deeds, and parst all showin’, Pirates and slavers ain’t the worst folk goin’. There’s things to which the worst _they_ do is slow; I’ve lived among ’em an I ort to know. And yet among those natives there are some As mild as lambs, and good and humoursome; Who never fight no more than an old hen, Such difference there is in mortal men. I’ll tell you now a tale, to make you sport, Of one who chanced among this gentle sort.” THE STORY OF SAMUEL JACKSON I’ll tell you of a sailor now, a tale that can’t be beat, His name was Samuel Jackson, and his height was seven feet; And how this man was shipwrecked in the far Pacific Isles, And of the heathen natives with their suppositious[8] wiles. Now when the others cut the ship, because she was a wreck, They left this Samuel Jackson there, a-standin’ on the deck— That is, a standin’ on the deck, while sittin’ on the boom; They wouldn’t let him in the boat ’cos he took up too much room. When up there came a tilted wave, and like a horse it romped, It fell like mountains on the boat, and so the boat was swamped; And of those selfish mariners full every one was drowned, While Samuel, standing on the deck, beheld it safe and sound. Now when the sea grew soft and still, and all the gale was o’er, Sam Jackson made himself a raft, and paddled safe ashore. For fear of fatal accidents—not knowin’ what might come, He took a gun and matches, with a prudent cask of rum. Now this island where he landed proved as merry as a fife, For its indigents had ne’er beheld a white man in their life; Such incidents as rum and guns they never yet had seen, And likewise, in religion, they were awful jolly green. But they had a dim tradition, from their ancestors, in course, Which they had somehow derived from a very ancient source: How that a god would come to them, and set the island right; And how he should be orful tall, and likewise pearly white. Now when they saw this Samuel approachin’ on his raft, The news through all the island shades was quickly telegrapht, How all their tribulations would speedily be past, ’Cos the long-expected sucker was invadin’ ’em at last. Now when Sam Jackson stept ashore, as modest as you please, Nine thousand bloomin’ savages received him on their knees; He looked around in wonderment, regardin’ it as odd, Not bein’ much accustomed to be worshipped as a god. But he twigged the situation, and with a pleasin’ smile Stretched out his hands, a-blessin’ all the natives of the isle; He did it well, although his paws were bigger than a pan, Because he was habitual a most politeful man.