Gervase laughed aloud, but with a little discomfiture in his voice.
“Just what my father said; and you will be as much disgusted perhaps as
he was, when I say, Nothing. Why should I do anything. Listen to me,
Madeline, before you condemn me. This doing something is a modern fad,
just like all the others. There are hundreds of men who must work to
live. Why should I get in their way, and take some one’s bread out of
his mouth?”
“Gervase! not one of them could take your place. Not one of them could
do what you were wanted to do.”
“That is just what my father said.” He gave vent to a short laugh,
embarrassed and uneasy. “You ought to back me up, or what is to become
of me? This makes it all the harder to tell you--of the future, as you
said.”
“Yes, Gervase.” She gave the hand that held hers a little pressure, a
touch that meant much.
“Well,” he cried, with a burst of wounded feeling, anxiety, doubt,
disappointment, all in one, “that is just what gives it its sting. ‘You
cannot marry’ he tells me, ‘on your boy’s allowance:’ which means that
I am to have nothing more: that I have to offer you--nothing! not the
kind of life that you have been living--nor luxury nor beauty,
nor--anything we have thought of. But only a poor man’s pittance--a sort
of starvation--a--nothing! nothing! and after all our dreams.”
She gave his hand a little pressure again. “Don’t be extravagant,” she
said. “Do you think I would hesitate--if----”
“If what?”
“If there was any need for it?” she said.
And then again there was a pause. This time it was he who averted his
head, gazing straight before him into the vacant air, while she looked
at him anxiously. After a while he replied in a cold constrained
tone,--“The need--exists in my own mind. I am very unfortunate not to be
able to make you understand it. That takes all support from me. But it
does not change me. There is need--in my eyes.” He paused again. “I have
made a very bitter discovery already to-night, that my father is guided
by other sentiments than love and generosity to his only child. That he
wants a recompense--his pound of flesh.”
“Oh, Gervase, don’t talk of it so!--is it not reasonable--his only
child?”
“Yes, his only child--that is what I thought. I believed he would
respect the scruples he has himself had me trained to. I never thought
it was an affair of bargaining between us. And now he has made it so,
and, Madeline, you----”
“Gervase!” she cried, in great trouble, “do you think I will forsake you
because your father will not give you what you expected? Oh no, no! I
would rather have you with nothing than anybody else with the whole
world in his hand. Surely you know that well enough. What do I care for
the luxury and all that? Why, you know I have often said there would be
far more fun in being poorer, in doing things for ourselves, contriving
and patching up like the people in books---- But one may have one’s
opinion all the same.”
“And that’s all against me,” he said.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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