There is no other joy so fine and none so fleeting, perhaps, as this
stirring of our individual energies by the breath of that mighty living
force that recreates us each morning after the apathy of night. At this
instant of recognition the day belongs to us and the air resounds with
a pæan of wonderful hopes and promises, as if our single personality
were the only concern of nature. Soon the responsibilities of our
relations to others crowd out this sense of individual life and the
momentary Sabbath-peace of the soul is broken up by the work-a-day hum
of jarring machinery. So, swift upon the exaltation aroused in Amanda
by the influence of an unshared sunrise, came the disappointing sense
of check and defeat to her own purposes and plans, which had been
wrought within the last few hours. None of the reasons that led to her
decision to go away and begin a new life remote from these surroundings
had altered. Fauquier County was still limited, narrow, and hostile
to Nellie's mental development; Benvenew was still poverty-stricken,
and no new resources suggested themselves. And Vivian was still the
old Vivian, with all his vices upon his head, and likely with the
first hour of returning health to repel and disgust her, just as he
had been doing all along. Every condition she had dwelt upon as urgent
cause of flight was unchanged; and yet, with lightning swiftness was
accomplished that resolution, paralleled in the experience of every
one of us, by which the one whose offenses had banished him from her
consideration, was made through sudden appeal to pity, the object of
first importance to her.
As Amanda turned from the window and approached the bed where Vivian
was now opening eyes in which the light of reason was absent, she
turned her back upon all the rosy hopes that had been dwelling in her
imagination, and took up the burden of a hard and painful duty. For
she was aware through the prophetic insight that flashes through our
acts into the region of remote consequences, that out of the immediate
obligation of nursing her husband back to health and strength, would
grow ties that would cramp and fetter all her future. Her only defense
against whatever his will might impose upon her had been in her
feeling of antagonism. For, strong and self-poised as she was, she
had the woman's weak-point of an intense susceptibility, and if she
had achieved the wish to be hard as nails, the first touch from a
beseeching hand would inevitably break through the crust and betray the
lurking softness beneath.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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