"Richard Allen!" She started as if the words had been spoken in her
ear. Swiftly memory flew back ten years, and she saw herself standing
bareheaded at the gate of her father's house in dear old Leesburg,
Virginia, where her childhood had been passed; and beside her, bending
tenderly to catch her lightest word, the form of her first lover, then
a poor, obscure young lieutenant in the army. With an indifference
scarce tinged with pity, since it hardly occurred to her in those days
that men could really feel, she had met his pleading affection with
an enthusiastic outburst of her ambition to lead the artist's life, to
spend her energies in self-development, and show what a woman wholly
devoted to an intellectual and artistic career might become. They had
sung in the choir together, had mingled their voices in moments when,
inspired by devotional ecstasy, it seemed that the two spirits united
into one, in that mysterious fellowship which belongs alike to religion
and to love. And yet she had no feeling for him above regard: no
feeling for any one, for anything, but art.
"You must not think I am deficient in womanly sensibility," she had
said to him, with one of those soft glances of the meaning and effect
of which she was entirely careless and unconscious. "But some women
must remain spinsters, you know, and I think I am meant to be one of
the sisterhood."
"You do not know yourself. The day will come when ambition will seem
nothing to you; when the homely things, the real things, will take
on their true value to your eyes, and a 'career' will seem a mere
artificiality that has nothing to do with what is best and sweetest in
life."
The words had passed her by as an idle phrase, evoked from
disappointment. And she and Richard Allen had parted, he going to
his post on the line in Arizona, and she to Italy to study. And yet
nothing passes from us entirely. Here, without warning, without her
intention, the little scene came up before her eyes; and she saw again
the apple-orchard in blossom, the red brick chimney of the school-house
across the way looming up in the moonlight, the hills in the distance,
the strong, proudly-carried figure at her side. And then scene after
scene came up before her, always with the two figures present: the
manly, devoted lover, the self-absorbed girl.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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