Yet she had lived for ambition, and the world had been kind to her,
after she had proven her mettle. She had not lacked lovers, but she
had never loved. Her strong will, which had determinedly mapped out
an existence entirely free from sentiment, had carried her through
every affair triumphantly and untouched. Four or five hours ago she had
entered that car as "free from the trammels of passion" as a vestal
virgin. What was in the air, what was in the night, that hurried her
on into imaginative flights? Constantly, like two stars, two meaning
eyes seemed to gleam upon her, and kindle a world of emotion latent
and unsuspected in her nature! She tried to be cynical, to laugh, to
think of something else; she tried her best to get to sleep, but only
her will could sleep, and fancy still rioted. Richard Allen had had the
making of a fine man in him: what had become of him,--why had nothing
been heard of him? The woman whose religion was success had little
patience with patience; it seemed to her that all virtue was embodied
in some sort of action. A man who at forty--he must be forty--was still
obscure, was not worth a thought. And yet he had possessed a certain
sort of strength. She had been forced to admire, in old times, a
suggested moral superiority, a higher point of view than she considered
practical. If he had brought himself to live up to his own standard,
he must have been unable to make necessary concessions. And then, as
Margaret recalled some "concessions" she had herself made to success,
she felt her cheeks burn in the darkness. How often she had traded
upon her own attractions, how often made use of the influence of her
personality to bring about certain ends! If she had not lied in words,
she had in act. Her present status had not been attained without some
sacrifice of scruples.
The woman turned restlessly in her berth, wondering why such ideas
should come to her now to interfere with her peace. She was good;
she was ashamed of nothing in her past; she was living a high, free,
independent life, the life for a woman of intellect and energy to lead.
Thank heaven, she was not an emotional creature! Sentiment had been
trained out of her. Long after midnight she lost consciousness, and
passed a few hours in fitful slumber. It was cruel that she should have
to dream of Richard Allen; dream that they were together in an open
boat, drifting out to sea, and that his arms were around her, his eyes
looking into hers. And she cared for nothing, thought of nothing but
that he held her close--how strangely sweet it was!--
A jar, a shock, a sudden stop, as if the train had run against a
wall of rock, and Margaret started up and drew the curtain aside
instinctively. A fall through space--what was it, oh, where was she!
Had the train fallen down an embankment?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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