He shielded, and hatred of her and of all Oholos--inbred hate, overcame
him. It brought an almost pathological bravado with it. The destructive
drive for revenge was a surge within him. He dropped the shield and
thought to her, slow and gloatingly, of the things in store for her
when she was safely disarmed and helpless. And he permitted his hate
to leap and caress her, and the details of the torture were etched in
passion acid.
After a while, he could feel her shudder at the thoughts, and he
simpered. She seemed to lie helpless, stunned under him, spurring him
to greater imaginative excesses.
Then she struck out blindly, a shivering blow that caught him unaware
between the eyes like a swung club.
* * * * *
He shielded. Instantly he felt the guilt of last night. He was angry
at himself, as if he had acted without really wanting to, as a Knoug
was supposed to act. And he snarled a curse.
The maddening, uncompromising pressure returned. Implacable.
Patient. Unanswerable. Pressure that would drive him insane if he
had no eventual hope of release. He shuddered, and the sense of
depression--the night sense--was even more dark and terrible in
daylight.
He got out of bed, reported to the Advanceship, keeping his voice low
and even.
"Parr. Scheduling."
"Check."
The voice from the Ship was a stabbing, accusing voice. A voice that
_knew_, that had made, overnight, a secret and awful discovery about
him. He wanted to grovel before it and plead for forgiveness....
_Nonsense!_
He licked his lips nervously.
"That damned female!" he shrieked.
"Eh?"
"That damned female, don't you see!"
"Parr, what's wrong? Listen, Parr, are you all right down there?"
Suddenly he relaxed. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," he said. "I'm just a little nervous."
* * * * *
He ordered the driver to stop. The building was columned, red brick,
decayed. The sidewalk before it was grimy, littered, cracked, chipped.
Listlessly, people shuffled down the street, flecks from the vortex of
humanity farther uptown drifting in the backwater of the city. Faded
overalls, jeans, thin unpressed cheap suits, frayed shirts and crumpled
soggy collars. Faces--lean, hollow, blotched; eyes that were harried,
red, tired. The women, still trying to retain the snap of movement,
were like wind-up toys, almost run down.
Parr grunted at the smells of the area, and straightening up to pay
the driver, noticed distastefully the slack faces, defeated eyes and
shuffling steps.
Then he knew: here, pressing in from all sides was reassurance. He
watched a haggered face, felt pity, shook off the emotion as unworthy
but still felt it. He could understand the haggered face. But distaste
returned again, for he was superior to the face. He blocked off his
mind, refusing to consider the natives any longer....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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