A naval captain, residing at Monmouth, showed me a pair of silver spectacles with six-inch focus glasses, very jagged and splintered at the edges, worth at most twelve shillings, for which he had given one of the tribe of impostors two guineas, and a pair of tortoiseshell (which _did_ suit his sight) into the bargain.[11] A lady at Belfast was attracted by the showy advertisement of an itinerant optician, and called upon him, “between the hours of ten and six,” for the purpose of purchasing a pair of spectacles. The first thing he did, after staring at her, and impudently declaring that her eyes were being ruined, was to snatch her spectacles from her face, and put a pair of his own in their place. “There, Matam! they are the spattacles for your eyes, those you have peen vearing vill pring on kataract.” “I see pretty well in these,” said the lady, “but my own suit about as well, I think.” “Oh dear no, it’s quite a mistake, your own are retched; put them on—isn’t there a differench now, Matam?” “Yes, there is,” said the lady, (who had too much penetration for the pedlar) “they require cleaning after having been held in your hot hand all this time;” and taking up a washleather she wiped the glasses, and, replacing them, bade adieu to the _testimonialed_ optician. A lady, who was visiting for a few weeks at Margate, was startled one morning, by a big, blustering, shewily-dressed man, who, after knocking at the street door, pushed past the servant, and rapping loudly at the parlour door opened it without waiting for any reply. “Goot morning, Matam, I am the optician to the royal family; your friend, Lady W——, terives so much goot from my pellucit lenses, she peggd me to call and suit you.” Before all this had been uttered he had taken a package from a confederate, dressed as a livery servant, who accompanied him, and covered the table with his stock. “Your eyes are in a most alarming state Matam, this pair of cold spattacles will suit you.” “Really,” said the lady; “how came Lady W—— to suppose I wanted spectacles? I have never worn any at any time in my life.” “No, that’s the vary reason your sight is leaving you; your eyes are vary pad.” “What is the price of this pair?” inquired the lady. “Three guineas” was the answer. The price was paid; and after punishing her eyes for a few days, the lady met with a scientific friend who convinced her that they were totally unfit and improper for her, her eyes being in excellent order, and not requiring spectacles at all!