Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Short stories
dissatisfaction of my masters, because, while I could have come out
easily at the top in most of the subjects, there were always one or two
in which I could do nothing.
I was not popular, at any of my schools, either with the boys or with
the masters, but I was not disliked. I neither hated out-of-door games
nor particularly cared for them. I rather liked cricket, but never
played football. I was terribly afraid of making a mistake before other
people, and would never attempt anything unless I was sure that I could
do it. I did not make friends readily, and I was somewhat indifferent to
my friends. I cannot now recollect a single school-friend at all
definitely, except one strange little creature, with the look and the
intelligence of a grown man; and I remember him chiefly because he
seemed to care very much for me, not because I ever cared much for him.
He had a mathematical talent which I was told was a kind of genius, but,
even then, he was only just kept alive, and he died in boyhood. He
seemed to me different from any one else I knew, more like a girl than a
boy; some one to be pitied. I remember his saying good-bye to me when
they took him away to die.
What the masters really thought of me I never quite knew. I looked upon
them as a kind of machine, not essentially different from the blackboard
on which they wrote figures in chalk. They sometimes made mistakes about
things which I knew, and this gave me a general distrust of them. I took
their praise coolly, as a thing which was my due, and I was quite
indifferent to their anger. I took no pains to conceal my critical
attitude towards them, and one classical master in particular was in
terror of me. He was not a sound scholar, and he knew that I knew it.
Every day he watched me out of the corner of his eye to see if I was
going to expose him, and he bribed me by lending me books which I wanted
to read. I loathed him, and left him alone. One day he carried his
deceit too far; there was an inquiry, and he disappeared. I have no
doubt my criticism was often unjust; I had the insolence of the parvenu
in learning. It had come to me too late for me to be able to take it
lightly. I corrected the dictation, put Maréchal for 'Marshal' because
the word was used in reference to Ney, who I knew was a Frenchman; and
was furious when my pedantry lost me a mark.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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