Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Short stories
She cared intensely for the one thing he cared for, and not less
intensely (and here was the wonder to him) for all the other things that
existed outside his interests. For her, life was everything, and
everything was a part of life. She would have given everything she had
to become a great player; but, if you found your way down to the root of
things, her feeling for music was neither more nor less than her feeling
for every form of art, and her feeling for art, which was unerring, was
the same thing as her feeling for skating or dancing. She got as much
pleasure from bending a supple binding in her hand as from reading the
poems inside it. She made no selections in life, beyond picking out all
the beautiful and pleasant things, whatever they might be. Trevalga
studied her with amazement; he felt withered, shrivelled up, in body and
soul, beside her magnificent acceptance of the world; she vitalised him,
drew him away from himself; and he feared her. He feared women.
To live with a woman, thought Christian, in the same house, the same
room with her, is as if the keeper were condemned to live by day and
sleep by night in the wild beast's cage. It is to be on one's guard at
every minute, to apprehend always the claws behind the caressing
softness of their padded coverings, to be continually ready to amuse
one's dangerous slave, with one's life for the forfeit. The strain of
it, the trial to the nerves, the temper! it was not to be thought of
calmly. He looked around him, and saw all the other keepers of these
ferocious, uncertain creatures, wearing out their lives in the exciting
companionship; and a dread of women took the place of his luxurious
indifference, as he imagined himself actually playing the part, too.
It would be, he saw, a conflict of egoisms, and he could not afford to
risk his own. Woman, as he saw her, is the beast of prey: rapacious of
affection, time, money, all the flesh and all the soul, one's nerves,
one's attention, pleasure, duty, art itself! She is the rival of the
idea, and she never pardons. She requires the sacrifice of the whole
man; nothing less will satisfy her; and, to love a woman is, for an
artist, to change one's religion.
Christian had tried honestly to explain himself to Rana, but the girl
would not understand him. She cared for his art as much as he did; she
would never come between him and his art; she would hate him if he
preferred her to his art. She said all that, sincerely; but he shook his
head obstinately, a little sadly, knowing that for him possible things
were impossible. The mere presence of any one he cared for, all the more
if he cared for her a great deal, disturbed him, upset his life. And he
must keep his life intact while he might.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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