Alabama -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction; Domestic fiction; War stories
"I am alone in this world. I have no family to love me, and my work is
to me what I suppose dear relatives must be to other women. For six
years I have been studying to fit myself for usefulness, have lived
with and for books; and though I have a few noble and kind friends, do
you suppose I ever forget that I am kinless? It is a mournful thing to
know that you are utterly isolated among millions of human beings; that
not a drop of your blood flows in any other veins. My God only has a
claim upon me. Dr. Howell, I thank you for your candor. It is best that
I should know the truth; and I am glad that, instead of treating me
like a child, you have frankly told me all. More than once I have had a
singular feeling, a shadowy presentiment that I should not live to be
an old woman, but I thought it the relic of childish superstition, and
I did not imagine that--that I might be called away at any instant. I
did not suspect that just as I had arranged my workshop, and sharpened
all my tools, and measured off my work, that my morning sun would set
suddenly in the glowing east, and the long, cold night fall upon me,
'wherein no man can work'--"
Her voice faltered and the physician turned away, and looked out of the
window.
"I am not afraid of death, nor am I so wrapped up in the mere happiness
which this world gives; no, no; but I love my work! Ah! I want to live
long enough to finish something grand and noble, something that will
live when the hands that fashioned it have crumbled back to dust;
something that will follow me across and beyond the dark, silent
valley; something that can not be hushed and straightened and bandaged
and screwed down under my coffin-lid--oh! something that will echo in
eternity! that grandpa and I can hear 'sounding down the ages,' making
music for the people, when I go to my final rest! And, please God! I
shall! I will! Oh, doctor! I have a feeling here which assures me I
shall be spared till I finish my darling scheme. You know Glanville
said, and Poe quoted, 'Man doth not yield himself to the angels, nor
unto death utterly, save only through the weakness of his feeble will.'
Mine is strong, invincible; it will sustain me for a longer period than
you seem to believe. The end is not yet. Doctor, do not tell people
what you have told me. I do not want to be watched and pitied, like a
doomed victim who walks about the scaffold with a rope already around
his neck. Let the secret rest between you and me."
He looked wonderingly at the electric white face, and something in its
chill radiance reminded him of the borealis light, that waves its
ghostly banners over a cold midnight sky.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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