St. George and St. Michael, Volume 3MacDonald, George
History
St. George and St. Michael, Volume 3
MacDonald, George
Great Britain -- History -- Civil War, 1642-1649 -- Fiction
'Nay, Dorothy. But if it were forgotten, yet would it BE. If I
forgot it myself, yet would I not cease to be the man who had done
it. And thou knowest, Dorothy, in how many things I have been false,
so false that I counted myself honourable all the time. Tell me
wherefore should I not kill myself, and rid the world of me; what
withholdeth?'
'That thou art of consequence to him that made thee.'
'How can that be, when I know myself worthless? Will he be mistaken
in me?'
'No, truly. But he may have regard to that thou shalt yet be. For
surely he sent thee here to do some fitting work for him.'
More talk followed, but Dorothy did not seem to herself to find the
right thing to say, and retired to the top of the Tower with a sense
of failure, and oppressed with helpless compassion for the poor
youth.
The doctors of divinity and of medicine differed concerning the
cause of his sad condition. The doctor of medicine said it arose
entirely from a check in the circulation of the animal spirits; the
doctor of divinity thought, but did not say, only hinted, that it
came of a troubled conscience, and that he would have been well long
ago but for certain sins, known only to himself, that bore heavy
upon his life. This gave the marquis a good ground of argument for
confession, the weight of which argument was by the divine felt and
acknowledged. But both doctors were right, and both were wrong.
Could his health have been at once restored, a great reaction would
have ensued, his interest in life would have reawaked, and most
probably he would have become indifferent to that which now
oppressed him; but on the slightest weariness or disappointment, the
same overpowering sense of desolation would have returned, and
indeed at times amidst the warmest glow of health and keenest
consciousness of pleasure. On the other hand, if by any argument
addressed to his moral or religious nature his mind could have been
a little eased, his physical nature would most likely have at once
responded in improvement; but he had no individual actions of such
heavy guilt as the divine presumed to repent of, nor could any
amount or degree of sorrow for the past have sufficed to restore him
to peace and health. It was a poet of the time who wrote,
'The soul's dark cottage, battered and decayed,
Lets in new light, through chinks that time has made:'
sickness had done the same thing as time with Rowland, and he saw
the misery of his hovel. The cure was a deeper and harder matter
than Dr. Bayly yet understood, or than probably Rowland himself
would for years attain to, while yet the least glimmer of its
approach would be enough to initiate physical recovery.
CHAPTER XLVII.
THE POET-PHYSICIAN.
Time passed, but with little change in the condition of the patient.
Winter began to draw on, and both doctors feared a more rapid
decline.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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