DR. ROSY. He says that he has lost his heart to her, and that if you will give him leave to pay his addresses to the young lady, and promise your consent to the union, if he should gain her affections, he will, on those conditions, cure you instantly, without fee or reward. JUSTICE CREDULOUS. The devil! did he say all that in so few words? What a fine language it is! Well, I agree, if he can prevail on the girl.— [_Aside_.] And that I am sure he never will. DR. ROSY. Greal. LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR. Writhum bothum. DR. ROSY. He says you must give this under your hand, while he writes you a miraculous receipt. [_Both sit down to write_.] LAURETTA. Do, mamma, tell me the meaning of this. MRS. BRIDGET CREDULOUS. Don’t speak to me, girl.—Unnatural parent! JUSTICE CREDULOUS. There, doctor; there’s what he requires. DR. ROSY. And here’s your receipt: read it yourself. JUSTICE CREDULOUS. Hey! what’s here? plain English! DR. ROSY. Read it out; a wondrous nostrum, I’ll answer for it. JUSTICE CREDULOUS. [_Reads_.] _In reading this you are cured, by your affectionate son-in-law,_ O’CONNOR.—Who in the name of Beelzebub, sirrah, who are you? LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR. Your affectionate son-in-law, O’Connor, and your very humble servant, Humphrey Hum. JUSTICE CREDULOUS. ’Tis false, you dog! you are not my son-in-law; for I’ll be poisoned again, and you shall be hanged.—I’ll die, sirrah, and leave Bridget my estate. MRS. BRIDGET CREDULOUS. Ay, pray do, my dear, leave me your estate; I’m sure he deserves to be hanged. JUSTICE CREDULOUS. He does, you say!—Hark’ee, Bridget, you showed such a tender concern for me when you thought me poisoned, that, for the future, I am resolved never to take your advice again in anything.— [_To_ LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR] So, do you hear, sir, you are an Irishman and a soldier, ain’t you? LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR. I am sir, and proud of both. JUSTICE CREDULOUS. The two things on earth I most hate; so I tell you what— renounce your country and sell your commission, and I’ll forgive you. LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR. Hark’ee, Mr. Justice—if you were not the father of my Lauretta, I would pull your nose for asking the first, and break your bones for desiring the second. DR. ROSY. Ay, ay, you’re right. JUSTICE CREDULOUS. Is he? then I’m sure I must be wrong.—Here, sir, I give my daughter to you, who are the most impudent dog I ever saw in my life. LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR. Oh, sir, say what you please; with such a gift as Lauretta, every word is a compliment. MRS. BRIDGET CREDULOUS. Well, my lovee, I think this will be a good subject for us to quarrel about the rest of our lives. JUSTICE CREDULOUS. Why, truly, my dear,—I think so, though we are seldom at a loss for that. DR. ROSY. This is all as it should be.—My Alexander, I give you joy, and you, my little god-daughter; and now my sincere wish is, that you may make just such a wife as my poor dear Dolly. [_Exeunt omnes_.]