St. Patrick's Day; Or, The Scheming Lieutenant: A Farce in One ActSheridan, Richard Brinsley
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St. Patrick's Day; Or, The Scheming Lieutenant: A Farce in One Act
Sheridan, Richard Brinsley
Comedy plays; English drama -- 18th century
SECOND SOLDIER.
There’s the White Horse, if he wasn’t case-hardened, ought to be
ashamed to show his face.
LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR.
Very well; the Horse and the Lion shall answer for it at the quarter
sessions.
SERJEANT TROUNCE.
The two Magpies are civil enough; but the Angel uses us like devils,
and the Rising Sun refuses us light to go to bed by.
LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR.
Then, upon my word, I’ll have the Rising Sun put down, and the Angel
shall give security for his good behaviour; but are you sure you do
nothing to quit scores with them?
CORPORAL FLINT.
Nothing at all, your honour, unless now and then we happen to fling a
cartridge into the kitchen fire, or put a spatterdash or so into the
soup; and sometimes Ned drums up and down stairs a little of a night.
LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR.
Oh, all that’s fair; but hark’ee, lads, I must have no grumbling on St.
Patrick’s Day; so here, take this, and divide it amongst you. But
observe me now,—show yourselves men of spirit, and don’t spend sixpence
of it in drink.
SERJEANT TROUNCE.
Nay, hang it, your honour, soldiers should never bear malice; we must
drink St. Patrick’s and your honour’s health.
ALL.
Oh, damn malice! St. Patrick’s and his honour’s by all means.
CORPORAL FLINT.
Come away, then, lads, and first we’ll parade round the Market-cross,
for the honour of King George.
FIRST SOLDIER.
Thank your honour.—Come along; St. Patrick, his honour, and strong beer
for ever! [_Exeunt_ SOLDIERS.]
LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR.
Get along, you thoughtless vagabonds! yet, upon my conscience, ’tis
very hard these poor fellows should scarcely have bread from the soil
they would die to defend.
_Enter_ DOCTOR ROSY.
Ah, my little Dr. Rosy, my Galen a-bridge, what’s the news?
DR. ROSY.
All things are as they were, my Alexander; the justice is as violent as
ever: I felt his pulse on the matter again, and, thinking his rage
began to intermit, I wanted to throw in the bark of good advice, but it
would not do. He says you and your cut-throats have a plot upon his
life, and swears he had rather see his daughter in a scarlet fever than
in the arms of a soldier.
LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR.
Upon my word the army is very much obliged to him. Well, then, I must
marry the girl first, and ask his consent afterwards.
DR. ROSY.
So, then, the case of her fortune is desperate, hey?
LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR.
Oh, hang fortune,—let that take its chance; there is a beauty in
Lauretta’s simplicity, so pure a bloom upon her charms.
DR. ROSY.
So there is, so there is. You are for beauty as nature made her, hey!
No artificial graces, no cosmetic varnish, no beauty in grey, hey!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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