St. Patrick's Day; Or, The Scheming Lieutenant: A Farce in One Act — John Shaqi
St. Patrick's Day; Or, The Scheming Lieutenant: A Farce in One ActSheridan, Richard Brinsley
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St. Patrick's Day; Or, The Scheming Lieutenant: A Farce in One Act
Sheridan, Richard Brinsley
Comedy plays; English drama -- 18th century
DR. ROSY.
I fancy not; there’s no one but honest Humphrey. Ha! Odds life, here
comes some of them—we’ll stay by these trees, and let them pass.
JUSTICE CREDULOUS.
Oh, the bloody-looking dogs!
[_Walks aside with_ DOCTOR ROSY.] _Re-enter_ CORPORAL FLINT _and two_
SOLDIERS.
CORPORAL FLINT.
Halloa, friend! do you serve Justice Credulous?
LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR.
I do.
CORPORAL FLINT.
Are you rich?
LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR.
Noa.
CORPORAL FLINT.
Nor ever will be with that old stingy booby. Look here— take it.
[_Gives him a purse_.]
LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR.
What must I do for this?
CORPORAL FLINT.
Mark me, our lieutenant is in love with the old rogue’s daughter: help
us to break his worship’s bones, and carry off the girl, and you are a
made man.
LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR.
I’ll see you hanged first, you pack of skurry villains! [_Throws away
the purse_.]
CORPORAL FLINT.
What, sirrah, do you mutiny? Lay hold of him.
LIEUTENANT O’CONNOR.
Nay, then, I’ll try your armour for you. [_Beats them_.]
ALL.
Oh! oh!—quarter! quarter!
[_Exeunt_ CORPORAL FLINT _and_ SOLDIERS.]
JUSTICE CREDULOUS.
[_Coming forward_.] Trim them, trounce them, break their bones, honest
Humphrey—What a spirit he has!
DR. ROSY.
Aquafortis. _O’Con_. Betray your master!
DR. ROSY.
What a miracle of fidelity!
JUSTICE CREDULOUS.
Ay, and it shall not go unrewarded—I’ll give him sixpence on the spot.
Here, honest Humphrey, there’s for yourself: as for this bribe, [_takes
up the purse_,] such trash is best in the hands of justice. Now, then,
doctor, I think I may trust him to guard the women: while he is with
them I may go out with safety.
DR. ROSY.
Doubtless you may—I’ll answer for the lieutenant’s behaviour whilst
honest Humphrey is with your daughter.
JUSTICE CREDULOUS.
Ay, ay, she shall go nowhere without him. Come along, honest Humphrey.
How rare it is to meet with such a servant! [_Exeunt_.]
SCENE II.—_A Garden_.
LAURETTA _discovered. Enter_ JUSTICE CREDULOUS _and_ LIEUTENANT
O’CONNOR.
JUSTICE CREDULOUS.
Why, you little truant, how durst you wander so far from the house
without my leave? Do you want to invite that scoundrel lieutenant to
scale the walls and carry you off?
LAURETTA.
Lud, papa, you are so apprehensive for nothing.
JUSTICE CREDULOUS.
Why, hussy——
LAURETTA.
Well, then, I can’t bear to be shut up all day so like a nun. I am sure
it is enough to make one wish to be run away with—and I wish I was run
away with—I do—and I wish the lieutenant knew it.
JUSTICE CREDULOUS.
You do, do you, hussy? Well, I think I’ll take pretty good care of you.
Here, Humphrey, I leave this lady in your care. Now you may walk about
the garden, Miss Pert; but Humphrey shall go with you wherever you go.
So mind, honest Humphrey, I am obliged to go abroad for a little while;
let no one but yourself come near her; don’t be shame-faced, you booby,
but keep close to her. And now, miss, let your lieutenant or any of his
crew come near you if they can. [_Exit_.]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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