Black humor; Country life -- Fiction; Historical fiction; Scotland -- Fiction
Mr. Cargill expressed no more surprise at a question which he had put to
himself being answered by the voice of another, than if he had found the
distance on the map, and indeed, was not probably aware of the medium
through which his question had been solved; and it was the tenor of the
answer alone which he attended to in his reply.--"Twenty-three
miles--Ingulphus," laying his hand on the volume, "and Jeffrey Winesauf,
do not agree in this."
"They may both be d----d, then, for lying block-heads," answered the
traveller.
"You might have contradicted their authority, sir, without using such an
expression," said the divine, gravely.
"I cry you mercy, Doctor," said Mr. Touchwood; "but would you compare
these parchment fellows with me, that have made my legs my compasses
over great part of the inhabited world?"
"You have been in Palestine, then?" said Mr. Cargill, drawing himself
upright in his chair, and speaking with eagerness and with interest.
"You may swear that, Doctor, and at Acre too. Why, I was there the month
after Boney had found it too hard a nut to crack.--I dined with Sir
Sydney's chum, old Djezzar Pacha, and an excellent dinner we had, but
for a dessert of noses and ears brought on after the last remove, which
spoiled my digestion. Old Djezzar thought it so good a joke, that you
hardly saw a man in Acre whose face was not as flat as the palm of my
hand--Gad, I respect my olfactory organ, and set off the next morning as
fast as the most cursed hard-trotting dromedary that ever fell to poor
pilgrim's lot could contrive to tramp."
"If you have really been in the Holy Land, sir," said Mr. Cargill, whom
the reckless gaiety of Touchwood's manner rendered somewhat suspicious
of a trick, "you will be able materially to enlighten me on the subject
of the Crusades."
"They happened before my time, Doctor," replied the traveller.
"You are to understand that my curiosity refers to the geography of the
countries where these events took place," answered Mr. Cargill.
"O! as to that matter, you are lighted on your feet," said Mr.
Touchwood; "for the time present I can fit you. Turk, Arab, Copt, and
Druse, I know every one of them, and can make you as well acquainted
with them as myself. Without stirring a step beyond your threshold, you
shall know Syria as well as I do.--But one good turn deserves
another--in that case, you must have the goodness to dine with me."
"I go seldom abroad, sir," said the minister, with a good deal of
hesitation, for his habits of solitude and seclusion could not be
entirely overcome, even by the expectation raised by the traveller's
discourse; "yet I cannot deny myself the pleasure of waiting on a
gentleman possessed of so much experience."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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