Black humor; Country life -- Fiction; Historical fiction; Scotland -- Fiction
"Well then," said Mr. Touchwood, "three be the hour--I never dine later,
and always to a minute--and the place, the Cleikum Inn, up the way;
where Mrs. Dods is at this moment busy in making ready such a dinner as
your learning has seldom seen, Doctor, for I brought the receipts from
the four different quarters of the globe."
Upon this treaty they parted; and Mr. Cargill, after musing for a short
while upon the singular chance which had sent a living man to answer
those doubts for which he was in vain consulting ancient authorities, at
length resumed, by degrees, the train of reflection and investigation
which Mr. Touchwood's visit had interrupted, and in a short time lost
all recollection of his episodical visitor, and of the engagement which
he had formed.
Not so Mr. Touchwood, who, when not occupied with business of real
importance, had the art, as the reader may have observed, to make a
prodigious fuss about nothing at all. Upon the present occasion, he
bustled in and out of the kitchen, till Mrs. Dods lost patience, and
threatened to pin the dish-clout to his tail; a menace which he
pardoned, in consideration, that in all the countries which he had
visited, which are sufficiently civilized to boast of cooks, these
artists, toiling in their fiery element, have a privilege to be testy
and impatient. He therefore retreated from the torrid region of Mrs.
Dods's microcosm, and employed his time in the usual devices of
loiterers, partly by walking for an appetite, partly by observing the
progress of his watch towards three o'clock, when he had happily
succeeded in getting an employment more serious. His table, in the blue
parlour, was displayed with two covers, after the fairest fashion of the
Cleikum Inn; yet the landlady, with a look "civil but sly," contrived to
insinuate a doubt whether the clergyman would come, "when a' was dune."
Mr. Touchwood scorned to listen to such an insinuation until the fated
hour arrived, and brought with it no Mr. Cargill. The impatient
entertainer allowed five minutes for difference of clocks, and variation
of time, and other five for the procrastination of one who went little
into society. But no sooner were the last five minutes expended, than he
darted off for the Manse, not, indeed, much like a greyhound or a deer,
but with the momentum of a corpulent and well-appetized elderly
gentleman, who is in haste to secure his dinner. He bounced without
ceremony into the parlour, where he found the worthy divine clothed in
the same plaid nightgown, and seated in the very elbow-chair, in which
he had left him five hours before. His sudden entrance recalled to Mr.
Cargill, not an accurate, but something of a general, recollection, of
what had passed in the morning, and he hastened to apologize with
"Ha!--indeed--already?--upon my word, Mr. A--a--, I mean my dear
friend--I am afraid I have used you ill--I forgot to order any
dinner--but we will do our best.--Eppie--Eppie!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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