CHARACTERS: Sir Anthony Absolute; Captain Absolute, his son. SCENE: Captain Absolute's lodgings. _Enter_ SIR ANTHONY _and_ CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE. Sir, I am delighted to see you here, and looking so well! Your sudden arrival at Bath made me apprehensive for your health. SIR ANTHONY. Very apprehensive, I dare say, Jack. What, you are recruiting here, hey? CAPT. A. Yes, sir; I am on duty. SIR A. Well, Jack, I am glad to see you, though I did not expect it; for I was going to write to you on a little matter of business. Jack, I have been considering that I grow old and infirm, and shall probably not trouble you long. CAPT. A. Pardon me, sir, I never saw you look more strong and hearty; and I pray fervently that you may continue so. SIR A. I hope your prayers may be heard, with all my heart. Well, then, Jack, I have been considering that I am so strong and hearty, I may continue to plague you a long time. Now, Jack, I am sensible that the income of your commission, and what I have hitherto allowed you, is but a small pittance for a lad of your spirit. CAPT. A. Sir, you are very good. SIR A. And it is my wish, while yet I live, to have my boy make some figure in the world. I have resolved, therefore, to fix you at once in a noble independence. CAPT. A. Sir, your kindness overpowers me. Such generosity makes the gratitude of reason more lively than the sensations even of filial affection. SIR A. I am glad you are so sensible of my attention; and you shall be master of a large estate in a few weeks. CAPT. A. Let my future life, sir, speak my gratitude. I cannot express the sense I have of your munificence. Yet, sir, I presume you would not wish me to quit the army. SIR A. Oh, that shall be as your wife chooses. CAPT. A. My wife, sir! SIR A. Aye, aye, settle that between you--settle that between you. CAPT. A. A wife, sir, did you say? SIR A. Aye, a wife--why, did not I mention her before? CAPT. A. Not a word of her, sir. SIR A. Upon my word, I mustn't forget her, though! Yes, Jack, the independence I was talking of is by a marriage,--the fortune is saddled with a wife; but I suppose that makes no difference? CAPT. A. Sir, sir, you amaze me! SIR A. What's the matter? Just now you were all gratitude and duty. CAPT. A. I was, sir; you talked to me of independence and a fortune, but not one word of a wife. SIR A. Why, what difference does that make? Sir, if you have the estate, you must take it with the live stock on it, as it stands. CAPT. A. If my happiness is to be the price, I must beg leave to decline the purchase. Pray, sir, who is the lady? SIR A. What's that to you, sir? Come, give me your promise to love, and to marry her directly. CAPT. A. Sure, sir, that's not very reasonable, to summon my affections for a lady I know nothing of! SIR A. I am sure, sir, 'tis more unreasonable in you to object to a lady you know nothing of.