Morris saw it all as he leaned there upon the railing, staring at the
mist-draped sea, more clearly, indeed, than he had ever seen it before.
He understood, moreover, what an unsatisfactory son he must be to a man
like his father—if it had tried, Providence could hardly have furnished
him with offspring more unsuitable. The Colonel had wished him to enter
the Diplomatic Service, or the Army, or at least to get himself called
to the Bar; but although a really brilliant University career and his
family influence would have given him advantages in any of these
professions, he had declined them all. So, following his natural bent,
he became an electrician, and now, abandoning the practical side of
that modest calling, he was an experimental physicist, full of deep but
unremunerative lore, and—an unsuccessful inventor. Certainly he owed
something to his family, and if his father wished that he should marry,
well, marry he must, as a matter of duty, if for no other reason. After
all, the thing was not pressing; for it it came to the point, what
woman was likely to accept him? All he had done to-night was to settle
the general principles in his own mind. When it became necessary—if
ever—he could deal with the details.
And yet this sort of marriage which was proposed to him, was it not an
unholy business? He cared little for women, having no weakness that
way, probably because the energy which other young men gave to the
pursuit of them was in his case absorbed by intense and
brain-exhausting study. Therefore he was not a man who if left to
himself, would marry, as so many do, merely in order to be married;
indeed, the idea to him was almost repulsive. Had he been a
woman-hater, he might have accepted it more easily, for then to him one
would have been as the other. But the trouble was that he knew and felt
that a time might come when in his eyes one woman would be different
from all others, a being who spoke not to his physical nature only, if
at all, but to the core within him. And if that happened, what then?
Look, the sun was rising. On the eastern sky of a sudden two golden
doors had opened in the canopy of night, and in and out of them seemed
to pass glittering, swift-winged things, as souls might tread the Gate
of Heaven. Look, too, at the little clouds that in an unending stream
floated out of the gloom—travellers pressed onwards by a breath of
destiny. They were leaden-hued, all of them, black, indeed, at times,
until they caught the radiance, and for a while became like the pennons
of an angel’s wings. Then one by one the glory overtook and embraced
them, and they melted into it to be seen no more.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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