“Very well,” answered Morris, “if I come across any passage that I
think I ought not to read, I will skip.”
“I can find nothing of the sort, or I would not give it to you,” said
Mr. Fregelius. “But, of course, I have not read the volumes through as
yet. There has been no time for that. I have sampled them here and
there, that is all.”
That night Morris took those shabby note-books home with him. Mary, who
according to her custom went to bed early, being by this time fast
asleep, he retired to his laboratory in the old chapel, where it was
his habit to sit, especially when, as at the present time, his father
was away from home. Here, without wasting a moment, he began his study
of them.
It was with very strange sensations, such as he had never before
experienced, that he opened the first of the volumes, written some
thirteen years earlier, that is, about ten years before Stella’s death.
Their actual acquaintance had been but brief. Now he was about to
complete his knowledge of her, to learn many things which he had found
no time, or had forgotten to inquire into, to discover the explanation
of various phases of her character hitherto but half-revealed; perhaps
to trace to its source the energy of that real, but mystic, faith with
which it was informed. This diary that had come—or perhaps been sent to
him—in so unexpected a fashion, was the key whereby he hoped to open
the most hidden chambers of the heart of the woman whom he loved, and
who loved him with all her strength and soul.
Little wonder, then, that he trembled upon the threshold of such a
search. He was like the neophyte of some veiled religion, who, after
long years of arduous labour and painful preparation, is at length
conducted to the doors of its holy of holies, and left to enter there
alone. What will he find beyond them? The secret he longed to learn,
the seal and confirmation of his hard-won faith, or empty, baulking
nothingness? Would the goddess herself, the unveiled Isis, wait to
bless her votary within those doors? Or would that hall be tenanted but
by a painted and bedizened idol, a thing fine with ivory and gold, but
dead and soulless?
Might it not be better indeed to turn back while there was yet time, to
be content to dwell on in the wide outer courts of the imagination,
where faith is always possible, rather than to hazard all? No; it
would, Morris felt, be best to learn the whole truth, especially as he
was sure that it could not prove other than satisfying and beautiful.
Blind must he have been indeed, and utterly without intuition if with
every veil that was withdrawn from it the soul of Stella did not shine
more bright.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account