Another question remained. Was it well that he should read these
diaries? Was not his mind already full enough of Stella? If once he
began to read, might it not be overladen? In short, Mary had dealt well
by him; when those books were open in his hand, would he be dealing
well by Mary? Answers—excellent answers—to these queries sprang up in
his mind by dozens.
Stella was dead. “But you are sworn to her in death,” commented the
voice of Conscience. “Would you rob the living of your allegiance
before the time?”
There was no possible harm in reading the records of the life and
thoughts of a friend, or even of a love departed. “Yet,” suggested the
voice of Conscience, “are you so sure that this life _is_ departed?
Have you not at whiles felt its presence, that mysterious presence of
the dead, so sweet, so heavy, and so unmistakable, with which at some
time or other in their lives many have made acquaintance? Will not the
study of this life cause that life to draw near? the absorption of
those thoughts bring about the visits of other and greater thoughts,
whereof they may have been, as it were, the seed?”
Anyone who knew its author would be interested to read this human
document, the product of an intelligence singularly bright and clear;
of a vision whose point of outlook was one of the highest and most
spiritual peaks in the range of our human imaginings. “Quite so,”
agreed the voice of Conscience. “For instance, Mary would be delighted.
Why not begin with her? In fact, why not peruse these pages together—it
would lead to some interesting arguments? Why pore over them in this
selfish manner all alone and at the dead of night when no one can
possibly disturb you, or, since you have blocked the hagioscope, even
see you? And why does the door of that safe stand open? Because of the
risk of fire if anyone should chance to come in with a candle, I
suppose. No, of course it would not be right to leave such books about;
especially as they do not belong to you.”
Then enraged, or at least seriously irritated, by these impertinent
comments of his inner self upon himself, Morris bade Conscience to be
gone to its own place. Next, after contemplating it for a while as Eve
might have contemplated the apple, unmindful of a certain petition in
the Lord’s Prayer, he took up the volume marked I, and began to read
the well-remembered hand-writing with its quaint mediaeval-looking
contractions. Even at the age when its author had opened her diary, he
noted that this writing was so tiny and neat that many of the pages
might have been taken from a monkish missal. Also there were few
corrections; what she set down was already determined in her mind.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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