Many things are promised to those who can achieve faith. Stella
achieved it and became endued with some portion of the promise.
Spiritual faith, not inherited, nor accepted, but hard-won by personal
struggle and experience; that was the key-note to her character and the
explanation of her actions. Yet that faith, when examined into, was
nothing exotic; no combination of mysticism and mummery, but one
founded upon the daily creed of the English and its fellow churches,
and understood and applied to the circumstances of a life which was as
brief as it seemed to be unfortunate. This was Morris’s discovery, open
and obvious enough, and yet at first until he grew accustomed to it, a
thing marvellous in his eyes; one, moreover, in which he found comfort;
since surely that straight but simple path was such as his feet might
follow.
And she loved him. Oh! how she had loved him. There could be no doubt;
there were her words written in that book, not hastily spoken beneath
the pressure of some sudden wind of feeling, but set down in black and
white, thought over, reasoned out, and recorded. And then their
purport. They were a paean of passion, but the dirge of its denial.
They dwelt upon the natural hopes of woman only to put them by.
“Yet how can I choke the truth and tread down the human heart within
me? Oh! the road that my naked feet must tread is full of thorns, and
heavy the cross that I must bear. . . . So I go to my marriage, such as
it is, so I bend my back to the burden, so I bow my head to the storm,
and through it all I thank God for what He has been pleased to send me.
I may seem poor, but how rich I am who have been dowered with a love
that I know to be eternal as my eternal soul.”
That was her creed, those were the teachings of her philosophy. And
this was the woman who had loved him, who died loving him. Her very
words came back, spoken but a few seconds before the end:—“Remember
every word which I have said to you. Remember that we are wed—truly
wed; that I go to wait for you, and that even if you do not see me, I
will, if I may, be near you always.”
“I go to wait for you. I will be near you always.” Here was another
inspiration. For three years or more he had been thinking of her as
dead. Or rather he had thought of her in that nebulous, undefined
fashion in which we consider the dead; the slumberous people who forget
everything, who see nothing; who, if they exist at all, are like stones
upon the beach rolled to and fro blind and senseless, not of their own
desire, but by the waves of a fearful fate that itself is driven on
with the strength of a secret storm of Will. And this fate some call
the Breath of God, and some the working of a soulless force that
compels the universe, past, present, and to be.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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