A great writer has said in effect that no man would dare to affront the
ears of his fellows—men much worse than himself perhaps—with the true
details of his hidden history. Knowing all the truth, they would shrink
from him. How much more then at such sights and sounds would a pure
spirit, washed clean of every taint of earth, fly from his soiled
presence, wailing and aghast? Nay, men are hypocrites, who, in greater
or less degree, themselves practice the very sins that shock them, but
spirits, knowing all, would forgive all. They are above hypocrisy. If
the Lord of spirits can weigh the “dust whereof we are made” and still
be merciful, shall his bright messengers trample it in scorn and hate?
Will they not also consider the longings of the heart and its
uprightness, and be pitiful towards the failings of the flesh? Would
Stella hate him because he remained as he was made—as herself she might
once have been? Because having no wings with which to rule the air he
must still tramp onwards through the foetid, clinging mud of earth?
Oh! how he longed to see her, that he might win her faith; win it
beyond all doubt by the evidence of his earthly eyes and senses. “If I
die, search and you shall see,” she had once said to him, and then
added, “No, do not search, but wait.” Wait! How could he wait? “At your
death I will be with you.” Why he might live another fifty years! That
book of her recorded thoughts had aroused in him such a desire for the
sight, or at least the actual knowledge of her continued being, that
his blood was aflame as with a madness. And yet how should he search?
“Stella,” he whispered, “come to me, Stella!” But no Stella came; no
wings rustled, no breath stirred; the empty room was as the room had
been. Its silence seemed to mock him. Those who slept beneath its
marble floor were not more silent.
Was he mad that he should claim the power to work this miracle—to charm
the dead back through the Gates of Death as Orpheus charmed Eurydice?
Yet Stella did this thing—but how? He turned to the volume and page of
her diary which dealt with the drawing down of Gudrun. Yes, here she
spoke of continual efforts and of “that long, long preparation”—of
prayer and fasting also. Here, too, was the whole secret summed up in a
dozen words: “To see a spirit one must grow akin to spirits.” Well, it
could be done, and he would do it. But look further on where she said:
“I shall call her back no more, lest the thing should get the mastery
of me, and I become unfitted for my work on earth. . . . I will stop
while there is yet time, while I am still mistress of my mind, and have
the strength to deny myself this awful joy.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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