Was there not a warning in these words, and in those other words: “No,
do not search, but wait.” Surely they told of risk to him who, being
yet on earth, dared to lift a corner of the veil which separates flesh
and spirit. “Should get the mastery of me.” If he saw her once would he
be able to do as Stella did, and by an effort of his will separate
himself from a communion so fearful yet so sweet? “Unfitted for my
work.” Supposing that it did get the mastery of him, would he not also
be unfitted for his work on earth?
His work? What work had he now? It seemed to be done; for attending
scientific meetings, receiving dividends, playing the country squire’s
only son and the wealthy host whilst awaiting the title which Mary
wished for—these things are not work, and somehow his days were so
arranged that he was never allowed to go beyond them. All further
researches and experiments were discouraged. What did it matter if he
were unfitted for that which he could no longer do? His work was
finished. There it stood before him in that box, stamped “Monk’s
aerophone. The Twin. No. 3412.”
No; he had but one ambition left. To pierce the curtain of thick night
and behold her who was lost to him; her who loved him as man had been
seldom loved.
The fierce temptation struck him as a sudden squall strikes a ship with
all her canvas spread. For a moment mast and rigging stood the strain,
then they went by the board. He would do it if it killed him; but the
task must be undertaken properly, deliberately, and above all in
secret. To-morrow he would begin. When he had satisfied himself; when
he had seen; then he could always stop.
A few minutes later Morris stood beside his wife’s bed. There she lay,
in the first perfection of young motherhood and beauty, a lovely,
white-wrapped vision with straying golden hair; her sweet, rounded face
pink with the flush of sleep, and the long lashes lying like little
shadows on her cheek.
Morris looked at her, and his doubts returned. What would Stella say?
he thought to himself. It almost seemed to him that he could hear her
voice, bidding him forbear; bidding him render unto his wife those
things which were his wife’s: all honour, loyalty, and devotion. If he
entered on this course could he still render them? Was there not such a
thing as moral infidelity, and did not such exercises as he proposed
partake of its nature? Perhaps, perhaps. On the whole it might be well
to put all this behind him.
It was three o’clock, he was tired out, and must sleep. The morning
would be a more fitting time to ponder such weighty questions of the
unwritten matrimonial law.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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