That night the champagne appeared, and, feeling his wife’s eyes upon
him, Morris swallowed two whole glasses, and in consequence was quite
cheerful, for he had eaten little—circumstances under which champagne
exhilarates—for a little while. Then they went into the drawing-room
and talked themselves into silence about nothing in particular, after
which Morris began to wander round the room and contemplate the
furniture as though he had never seen it before.
“What are you fidgeting about?” asked Mary. “Morris, you remind me of
somebody who wants to slip away to an assignation, which in your case
is absurd. I wish your father were back, I really do; I should be glad
to listen to his worst and longest story. It isn’t often that I sit
with you, so it would be kinder if you didn’t look so bored. I’m cross;
I’m going to bed. I hope you will spend a pleasant night in the chapel
with your thoughts and your instruments and the ghosts of the old
Abbots. But please come into my room quietly; I don’t like being woke
up after three in the morning, as I was yesterday.” And she went,
slamming the door behind her.
Morris went also with hanging head and guilty step to his accustomed
haunt in the old chapel. He knew that he was doing wrong; he could
sympathise with Mary’s indignation. Yet he was unable to resist, he
must see again, must drink once more of that heavenly cup.
And he failed. Was it the champagne? Was it Mary’s sharp words which
had ruffled him? Was it that he had not allowed enough time for the
energy which came from him enabling her to appear before his mortal
eyes, to gather afresh in the life-springs of his own nature? Or was
she also angry with him?
At least he failed. The waves came indeed, and the cold wind blew, but
there was no sound of music, and no vision. Again and again he strove
to call it up—to fancy that he saw. It was useless, and at last, weary,
broken, but filled with a mad irritation such as might be felt by a
hungry man who sees food which he cannot touch, or by a jealous lover
who beholds her that should have been his bride take another husband
before his eyes, he crept away to such rest as he could win.
He awoke, ill, wretched, and unsatisfied, but wisdom had come to him
with sleep. He must not fail again, it was too wearing; he must prepare
himself according to the rules which he had laid down. Also he must
conciliate his wife, so that she did not speak angrily to him, and thus
disturb his calm of mind. Broken waters mirror nothing; if his soul was
to be the glass in which that beloved spirit might appear, it must be
still and undisturbed. If? Then was she built up in his imagination, or
did he really see her with his eyes? He could not tell, and after all
it mattered little so long as he did see her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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