England -- Fiction; Invalids -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
He knew where she lived, the name by which she passed. John had told
him many times. There were few things in John's life he did not know. He
knew of the Bences, of Mrs. Oscraft, the fluffy-haired woman who lived
in the flat below. Amelia Mansions, he was aware, were in the Fulham
Road. But when he reached that thoroughfare, he stood dazed and
irresolute, realizing that he did not know which way to turn. A passing
postman gave him the necessary information. The trivial contact with
the commonplace restored in a measure his mental balance. He went on. By
Brompton Cemetery he felt sick and faint and clung for a minute or two
to the railings. He had eaten nothing since early morning, and then only
a scrap of bacon and toast; he had drunk brandy and wine, and he had
lived through the day in which the maddening stress of a lifetime had
been concentrated.
One or two passers-by stared at him, for he was as white as a sheet.
A comfortable, elderly woman, some small shop-keeper's wife, addressed
him. Was he ill? Could she do anything for him? The questioning was
a lash. He drew himself up, smiled, raised his hat, thanked her
courteously. It was nothing. He went on, loathing himself as men do when
the flesh fails beneath the whip of the spirit.
He was well now, his mind clear. He was going to the woman. He would
save those he loved. If it were necessary to kill her, he would kill
her. On that point his brain worked with startling clarity. If he did
not kill her, she would be eventually killed by John; for John, he
argued, could not remain in ignorance forever. If John killed her, he
would be hanged. Much better that he, Walter Herold, whom Stellamaris
did not love, should be hanged than John--much better. And what the
deuce did it matter to anybody whether he were hanged or not? He laughed
at the elementary logic of the proposition. The solution of all the
infernally intricate problems of life is, if people only dared face
it, one of childish simplicity. It was laughable. Walter Herold laughed
aloud in the Fulham Road.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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