England -- Fiction; Invalids -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
Stella rose, and, clasping hands to her bosom, went to him.
“Belovedest, for Christ's sake, what is the end of all this?”
He halted and took her hands.
“Not shadows, not lies. Once I thought--indeed, I knew--you loved me.
That was when you were an ignorant child. You loved some one you thought
was me. Now your eyes are opened. You have passed through flames.
Knowledge has come to you. You see me as I am, and your love has gone. I
know, too, what I am. Unity has taught me. You can't--you don't love me,
Stella. That I know. I've known it ever since that day when we put her
into her grave.”
Herold came between them imploringly. “My dear man--my dear fellow--what
is the use of this wild talk? You two love each other. Unity gave her
life for the two of you. If you two don't come together, it 's all
overwhelming, blasting irony. I could n't believe in God after it. It
would be hellishly cynical. Stella, in God's name, tell him that you
are bound by Unity's sacrifice--that you love him and will marry him and
make his life happy!”
Stella, very pale, looked at John. “If you want me, I will marry you,”
she said in a clear voice.
John waved her aside. “I will not take you, my dear,” said he.
Spurned sex winced involuntarily.
“If you have stopped caring for me--”
“I stopped caring? I? Merciful God, I've never loved you so much. But
you love a better man. What's the good of saying the same things over
and over again? But I 'll tell you this, both of you, that if Unity had
not given her life, and if I had been free, I should have fought for you
and had you despite everything. That 's my accursed nature. But Unity
has not died in vain, and it's because of that child's death, the beauty
and heroism of it, that I'm able to stand here and tear my heart out
and throw it away. Don't make any mistake,”--he turned fiercely on
Herold,--“it's not I who am giving her up. It's Unity.”
“Very well,” said Herold. “Let us put it at that. It's your point of
view. You also force me to speak. It would be grotesque to keep silence
any longer. Yes, I do love her. She is the beginning and end of life
to me. If she had lain on her back all her days, I should never have
married another woman. There! You have it now.”
The two men's eyes held each other for a space. Stellamaris looked
at the pair with a fearful admiration. They were men. Herold she had
divined and known long ago; this, on his part, was only the supreme
fulfilment of promise. But John Risca, who had passed through the
illusion and disillusion of her soul, stood before her in new strength,
a great and moving figure.
At last John drew a deep breath, turned to Stellamaris very gently, and
smiled.
“And you?”
The smile sent swift pain through her heart. She made a step or two, and
fell sobbing on his breast.
“O Belovedest, I am sorry! You have guessed right. Forgive me!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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