Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 01, April 24, 1858
General
Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 01, April 24, 1858
New York (N.Y.) -- Politics and government
Like Adam and Eve at the hymeneal altar, contemplating the interminable
generations of sinners; like Noah surveying the horrors of the deluge;
like Julius Cæsar projecting the passage of the Rubicon; like the
Christians braving the persecutions of the Jews; like William Tell,
with his bow and quiver, hurling defiance at Gesler in the mountain
gorges of Switzerland; like the great Columbus going into a midnight
storm in untraversed latitudes; like the supernatural Washington going
into battle, on whose consummation the liberty of the human race
impends; like Napoleon at Helena reviewing his wondrous reign; like
Andre and poor Orsini going to the scaffold, amid the tears of their
countrymen; and like the cheerful moon, in her ramble with romantic
lovers through summer skies and groves of perfume, we calmly survey the
horizon in our virgin advent of to-day, although we discern a snowy
cloud that resembles the terrific monsoon. But as the impetuous sun
darts through infinitude, we shall soon dash among the adversaries of
integrity and patriotism, and be as merciless as Jackson to the robbers
of the toiling masses, or to the cruel Indians, or to British tyrants.
We have exhibited some old wares to-day, because a tried article, like
a winter friend, wears well. We did not deem it necessary to italicise
article and wears. And to be more specific in the Roman language,
Alligators, Autobiography, William Tell, and Worms, can never expire,
but be as eternal as the garments of nature.
Senator David C. Broderick challenged us to fight a duel in 1848, and
Congressman John B. Haskins brought the challenge. The law might cage
us if we acknowledged our acceptance of the challenge, but we will
permit Broderick or Haskins to declare if we stained the mantles of
Green and Perry of Rhode Island, whose gorgeous canopy we first beheld.
We shall soon give sketches of President Buchanan, Mayor Tiemann,
Comptroller Flagg, members of the Common Council, the Supervisors, Ten
Governors, Commissioners of Record, Education, and Emigration, and of
our New York editorial brethren, including their Secretaries. James
Watson Webb being the eldest, we may start with him. We shall also
sketch the lives of the newspaper venders, and give those the most
immortal characters who sell the most of our Alligators.
TO THE METROPOLITAN POLICE.—A large reward will be paid to the
policemen who will prove by affidavits, or the poll lists, that
Chief Matsell, the Corporation Counsel, Register, County Clerk, or
Corporation Attorney, have voted for municipal, state, or national
officers, since the promulgation of our Brandon Report, on the aliens
of both hemispheres. As the County Clerk and Corporation Attorney are
formidable candidates for Comptroller, it is important to know if they
have been naturalized. We will bet they have not.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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