Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 03, May 8, 1858
General
Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 03, May 8, 1858
New York (N.Y.) -- Politics and government
to you as I did to Fanny Wright, and Robert Dale Owen, and George H.
Purser, and to the City of New York in its hour of peril. Do this,
my dear Kingsland, and I will lobby through the Common Council the
Ganzevoort jobs, and all the oil contracts you desire, and let you go
where you please unmolested; and you can join Messrs. Paine & Phalon
in musical, or lottery and policy operations, and buy as many millions
of dollars’ worth of land in Williamsburgh and Greenpoint, and own as
many licentious houses in Church, and Leonard, and other streets, as
you desire, and I will not cull a solitary hair from your beautiful and
conscientious skull. What is your response?”
_Kingsland._—“Have I not declared that you were my first choice for
Chief of Police?”
_Matsell._—“Yes. But that was only a verbal declaration. I desire
the bird in my own cage. I want the fascinating documents under your
signature.”
_Kingsland._—“Waiter: Bring me pen, ink and paper. [Writes.] There,
Matsell, there it is, but do not use it until I see my political
friends, and conciliate them with the assurance that your appointment
was absolutely essential to the preservation of the Metropolis from
riots, and sword, and fire, and ashes. If I fail to allay their
exasperation, I shall send them to you, and if you fail to pacify them
with promises of appointment, and those sweet accents that flow like
Stuart’s syrup from your ruddy lips, and your oriental bows, and meek
scrapes, and cringing smiles,—why, then, you must put your bloodhounds
on their track on howling tempest nights, (when only owls dare prowl
through the fearful darkness of ether,) who will pursue them to the
dens of infamy and revelry, and blasphemy, and obscenity, and dicery,
when you will have them in your awful clutches, as you have me. O, God!
Matsell, I hardly know what I say. Wine works wonders, and now let us
fill our glasses to the brim, and have another dulcet cream, and depart
for the Metropolis,—and at our nocturnal farewell, let us kneel and
swear beneath the universal concave, that we will cling to each other
like Damon and Pythias, or Burr and Arnold, until our wormy conquerors
begin their happy feast, and grin and dance over our silent and icy
forms in the dreary and awful sepulchre. But remember my oil and other
contracts, Matsell. Be piously true to them. When we next meet, I’ll
tell you how to effect their continuation with the Aldermen, if you
don’t know already, from your limited experience.”
_Chorus._
O, oil is the thing
That the stuff will bring,
Which will buy sweet cream
To eat on life’s stream.
[More ice-cream next Saturday, of a superior quality.]
Supervisor Blunt.
Two more public documents, written by Stephen H. Branch for Orison
Blunt, who was Alderman of the Third Ward in 1854, and Alderman of the
Fifteenth Ward in 1857, and is now Supervisor from the Fifteenth Ward.
[From the N. Y. Herald, April 22, 1851.]
Paul Julien’s Second Concert.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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