Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 05, May 22, 1858
General
Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 05, May 22, 1858
New York (N.Y.) -- Politics and government
consulted, who gave us phosphorus and aconitum, which revived us like
galvanic batteries, and he then told us to exchange Graham bread and
mush for beef-soup and tenderloin, and we recovered rapidly. We were
teaching a lad, whose dear little sister had the dysentery, with two
allopathic butchers in attendance, who, after bleeding, and leeching,
and blistering, and suffusing her system with mercury, recommended
brandy as a last resort. The little angel had her last fit, as was
supposed, and as her father was exhausted and bed-ridden with grief and
a burning fever, we went for a coffin towards midnight, and entered
a store where there was a lamp in its expiring rays, and rang the
bell, when in the drear and narrow perspective, we beheld the lank
and greedy grave-digger in his shirt and pants, and black nightcap,
approaching us, in about the measured pace of “Hamlet’s Ghost.”—He
had a dark lantern, and seemed a hideous spectre emerging from the
regions of the dead. We were extremely nervous, and awfully dyspeptic,
and unusually depressed from the protracted storm, and could endure
his fearful aspect no longer, and when within five paces of our
trembling person, we darted from the coffin store, and ran as though
the evil Nicholas was after us. The sexton suspected us for a thief,
and chased us several blocks, but we flew like a whirlwind, and the
devil himself could not have caught us. On reaching the abode of the
suffering innocent, we found that she had emerged from the last fit,
and off we scampered for the homœopathic physician who had saved our
life with phosphorus, and aconitum, and beef soup, and tenderloin.
We aroused him from his couch, and we were by the side of the little
invalid in twenty minutes, when the Doctor removed a tooth, (her jaws
being apparently closed in death,) and deposited about four drops of
medicine in her mouth, which was continued during the night, and at
twelve, meridian, she ate egg and potato combined, with milk, and
in five days she rollicked all over the house. While conducting the
Matsell Investigation, we wrote a Disquisition on Worms, and Mrs.
Doughty, (the amiable wife of Mr. Doughty, who was long connected with
the New York Street Department, and whose lovely daughter married a
member of the great Banking House of Prime, Ward, & King,) called on
the noble and supremely beautiful Mrs. Alderman John H. Briggs, and
said: “I reside near Newark, New Jersey. My husband’s name is Samuel
S. Doughty, (who was Street Commissioner of the City of New York in
1844 and ‘45,) and is very wealthy, and has erected a mansion that will
compare with any in New Jersey. We have spacious grounds, and gardens,
and orchards, and horses, and carriages, and all that can render us
happy in the evening of our days, and yet we are very miserable. A dark
cloud hovers over our magnificent abode, that we fear will soon belch
the elements of destruction, and overwhelm us all in one common ruin.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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