Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 06, May 29, 1858
History
Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 06, May 29, 1858
New York (N.Y.) -- Politics and government
at Worcester while he was a student at Brown University, in
Providence, and am anxious to see him, and leave my hotel about
10 P. M. for the Asylum, which was in the suburbs of Worcester.
On arriving at the gate, I am permitted to enter after a brief
delay, and proceed to the Institution. I had not gone far, when
I am attacked by two huge Newfoundland dogs. I coax one, and
intimidate the other, and advance. On reaching the front entrance
of the Institution, I find it closed, and pass round to the rear,
and enter the basement, where I find a solitary candle emitting
its last beams, and a stout lunatic is seated in the corner, who
instantly approaches me with distended tongue, ejaculating: “Lar,
lar,” about a dozen times in rapid succession, when I inquired:
“Is young Mr. Clark at home,” to which he responds, with both
hands on my shoulders: “Lar, lar, chick-a-de-dee.” and his eyes
rolled fearfully, and his tongue appears and disappears with the
velocity of an angry rattle snake’s. I am alarmed, and strive
in vain to extricate my shoulders from his giant grasp, when
he knocks off my hat, and grabs my hair, and pulls it so hard
that I cry murder, and he releases his hand, and kisses me, with
both arms around my neck. While picking up my hat, he grabs me
again around the waist, and belches his infernal “lar, lar,” and
protrudes his tongue, and laughs like thunder, and again incloses
my neck with his long arms, and evinces the affection of a bear,
and squeezes me so hard, that I can scarcely speak or breathe,
when I summon all the vigor that God and Nature gave me, and cast
him fearfully to the floor, and run for my life, with the lunatic
and both dogs close at my heels. I proceed not far, when a ball
comes whizzing by, which is fired by a sentinel from the window
of the Asylum, which increases my speed, and presently down I
go all sprawling into a vault, that was partially cleansed that
day, or I would have been instantly drowned from a most awful
suffocation. I crawl out, with the aid of the man at the gate,
who comes to my rescue when he hears the report of the rifle,
and the bark of the dogs. Presently the sentinel comes, and I
accompany them into the dreary basement of the Asylum, where
the candle is in its final throes, when young Clark makes his
appearance, and, after recognising my voice, is about to embrace
me, when I most solemnly warn him to stand off, and, for God’s
sake, to forbear until I am scraped and washed, and freshly
clad. He runs to his bed room, and brings apparel, and a tub,
and soon I am clean as mountain snow, and we eat and drink and
smoke and sing and laugh until the daylight does appear; and at
meridian, I leave Worcester for Andover, resolving never to leave
again, until I close my intellectual career in its sacred and
mellifluous groves.
(To be continued to our last roam.)
Legislative Robbers.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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