are in ceaseless danger through the stealth of heartless and greedy wretches, whose avarice will never be satiated until they have wrested the very last farthing from trembling hands that are in constant peril of paralysis. And now, dear Henry, receive my most affectionate congratulation on mounting the ladder of your highest ambition. But if you join the plunderers and traitors of the Senate, and be recreant to truth and justice—to Greene and Perry—to the Rhode Island Line, so fondly cherished by Washington—and to our dear native soil, and to the loved stars of our glorious canopy, and of the long, dark, cold, dreary, and sleepless nights of the Revolution,—if you be recreant to these sacred lights of our early years, I will paralyze you with execrations,—and if I survive you, I will trample and blight the verdure that blushes over your odious and accursed mausoleum. The Patient and Doctor—The First Interview. _Patient_—Doctor, I have got the piles and dyspepsia most awfully. I have taken lots of medicine, and it has made me more costive, and caused my head to ache worse than ever. Now, Doctor, what on earth shall I do to cure me of the piles and dyspepsia? _Doctor_—Buy BRANCH’S ALLIGATOR. _Patient_—What kind of medicine is that? _Doctor_—It ain’t medicine. It is a pepper. _Patient_—What kind of pepper? _Doctor_—A darn funny pepper. _Patient_—How can that cure the piles and dyspepsia? _Doctor_—It will make you laugh and cry at the same time, and move your bowels, and it actually gave one of my patients the diarrhœa and hysteric cramps in the stomach last week. _Patient_—Where can I find it? _Doctor_—At any depot in the city. _Patient_—I will try it. How much shall I pay you for your medical advice? _Doctor_—Only one dollar. _Patient_—There it is. Good day, Doctor. _Doctor_—Good day. _Patient_—(stumbles going down the steps)—It looks awful cloudy, Doctor. _Doctor_—Quite so. It looks like rain. _Patient_—Yes, rather. Good day, Doctor. _Doctor_—Good day. Call again. _Patient_—I will. [_Exeunt._] SECOND INTERVIEW. _Patient_—Good morning, Doctor. _Doctor_—How do you do? _Patient_—I am so weak I can hardly stand. _Doctor_—It must be owing to the warm weather.