Produced by Barry Abrahamsen and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive) * * * * * Stephen H. Branch's Alligator - Volume 1, Issue 14 * * * * * [Illustration: STEPHEN H. BRANCH’S ALLIGATOR.] ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════ Volume I.—No. 14.] SATURDAY, JULY 24, 1858. [Price 2 Cents. ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════ =Conference of Methodists.= The miser Harpers still Harping on the Dimes—The self-degradation and downfall of the Harpers, who “played on the Harp of a thou-_sand strings—sperrits of just men made perfic!”_ _John Harper_—Brothers: These are desperate times. _Wesley Harper_—Yes, and something must soon be done, or we must again suspend. _Fletcher Harper_—That’s so. _Evil Genius_—Go ahead! _Good Genius_—Beware! _Jack_—Our stock in the _Courier and Enquirer_ don’t pay. We have had the best place and the largest type in the columns of that Journal for 20 years, and I tell you, brothers, it don’t pay. While young _Fletch_ had stock in the _Times_, we had the best place, and the biggest type, but you all know it didn’t pay. Nor do any of the public journals yield a fair return for our enormous advertising investments. _Jim_—Jack: What in the devil are you driving at? Upon my soul, you positively alarm me. Why, I declare, I never saw your eyes roll so, nor your jaws close so fiercely, nor your fist fall so heavily on your knee. Now, for the Lord’s sake, do disclose, in common parlance, what you mean by your mysterious declamation. (Wesley takes out his pen knife, and cuts his nails, and Fletcher takes a fresh cud of tobacco, and crosses his legs.) _Jack_—I have had an interview with James Gordon Bennett. _Jim_—Fletch: Hand me that fan. Wes: Please open the window. Sam: Bring me a glass of ice water. Now, Jack, proceed. _Jack_—Bennett spoke of other days, and inquired after our health. _Jim_—Whose health? _Jack_—Mine and yours. _Jim_—What the devil did he mean by that? My health is always good. I never had the rheumatism or gout, like you, Jack. What did the old reprobate mean by inquiring about my health? I’ll thank him to mind his own business.