Stern chewed Fabiola's stomach pills and waited for his only assistant,
Glover, to end his phone conversation. A tall, yellow-haired man who
frowned continually, as though the sun were in his eyes, Glover spent
hours on the phone each day, exchanging anecdotes with an elaborate
network of friends. Glover viewed all people and listened to all
remarks with pursed lips and then assigned them a rating that seemed
to have been arrived at by a Board of Good Taste, staffed by witty,
wafer-thin, impeccably dressed men whose job it was to continually
evaluate behavior. Glover was their branch representative in Stern's
office. When Stern commented on the summer heat, Glover would pause,
purse his lips, and say, "You may not know it, but you've just made
one of the seven best weather remarks of the season." His ratings were
enervating to Stern, as when he prefaced an item of gossip by saying,
"There are only five people in America who would appreciate this story.
You're one of them." Stern wanted to tell him to spend less time on the
phone, but he was afraid Glover, his body trim and supple from ballet
exercises, would first fly at him in an effeminate rage and then pass
along the episode to the Board, which would adjudge Stern "one of the
three crudest men in America."
"I've got to tell you the season's funniest tapered slacks anecdote,"
Glover said, entering Stern's office. "I'm passing this on to only four
friends of mine."
"I'd like to listen, but I can't now," Stern said, certain the Board
would get immediate notification of his conduct. "I've found out I've
got something in me and I've got to go away for a while."
"_Growing_ in you?" Glover asked, slightly amused. Stern was aware that
"one of the three funniest sickness descriptions of the summer" was
taking form.
"No, just in there," Stern said. "I'm not sure what it's doing." Stern
had the feeling that ulcers would be frowned upon by the Board as being
dirty, Jewish, unsophisticated, only for fat people, and he was careful
not to identify his condition. Only dueling scars and broken legs
suffered while skiing would receive high grades.
"Anyway," Stern continued, "I want you to take over and keep the labels
coming." He turned his head away and said, "Long telephone calls aren't
good. You might keep them short."
Glover's face swiftly filled with color. He darted toward Stern's desk
with vicious ballet grace, shrieked, "_I do my work_," and Stern,
frightened, whispered, "Then make long ones," and went past Glover's
coiled body to Belavista's office.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account