Asia -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, English
It was the real thing, I tell you; I ought to know; he stayed on in
my bungalow day after day, and night after night he went down to that
hovel among the filth and smells. It wasn't the body, it wasn't kisses
and moonlight. He wanted her of course, he wanted her body and soul;
but he wanted something else: the same passion, the same fine strong
thing that he felt moving in himself. She was everything to him that was
beautiful and great and pure, she was what she looked, what he read in
the depths of her eyes. And she might have been--why not? She might
have been all that and more, there's no reason why such a thing
shouldn't happen, shouldn't have happened even. One can believe that
still. But the chances are all against it. She was a prostitute in a
Colombo brothel, a simple soft little golden-skinned animal with
nothing in the depths of the eyes at all. It was the law of chances at
work as usual, you know.
It was tragic and it was at the same time wonderfully ridiculous. At
times he saw things as they were, the bare truth, the hopelessness of
it. And then he was so ignorant of life, fumbling about so curiously
with all the little things in it. It was too much for him; he tried to
shoot himself with a revolver which he had bought at the Army and
Navy Stores before he sailed; but he couldn't because he had forgotten
how to put in the cartridges.
Yes, I burst in on him sitting at a table in his room fumbling with
the thing. It was one of those rotten old-fashioned things with a
piece of steel that snaps down over the chamber to prevent the
cartridges falling out. He hadn't discovered how to snap it back in
order to get the cartridges in. The man who sold him that revolver,
instead of an automatic pistol, as he ought to have done, saved his
life.
And then I talked to him seriously. I quoted his own novel to him.
It was absurdly romantic, unreal, his novel, but it preached as so
many of them do, that you should face facts first and then live your
life out to the uttermost. I quoted it to him. Then I told him baldly
brutally what the girl was--not a bit what he thouget her, what his
passion went out to--a nice simple soft little animal like the bitch
at my feet that starved herself if I left her for a day. 'It's the
truth,' I said to him, 'as true as that you're really in love, in
love with something that doesn't exist behind those great eyes. It's
dangerous, damned dangerous because it's real--and that's why it's
rare. But it's no good shooting yourself with that thing. You've
got to get on board the next P and O, that's what you've got to do.
And if you wont do that, why practise what you preach and live your
life out, and take the risks.'
He asked me what I meant.
"The risks?" I said. "I can see what they are, and if you do take
them, you're taking the worst odds ever offered a man. But there they
are. Take the girl and see what you can make of life with her.
You can buy her out of that place for fifteen rupees."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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