The train started with a sudden crunching. A curious, excited thrill
possessed Stover. He had embarked, and the quick plunge into the
darkness of the long tunnel had, to his keenly sentimental imagination,
something of the dark transition from one world into another. Behind was
the known and the accomplished; ahead the coming of man's estate and
man's freedom. He was his own master at last, free to go and to come,
free to venture and to experience, free to know that strange, guarded
mystery--life--and free, knowing it, to choose from among it many ways.
And yet, he felt no lack of preparation. Looking back, he could honestly
say to himself that where a year ago he had seen darkly now all was
clear. He had found himself. He had gambled. He had consumed
surreptitiously at midnight a sufficient quantity of sickening beer. He
had consorted with men of uncontrollable passions and gone his steady
path. He had loved, hopelessly, madly, with all the intensity and
honesty of which he was capable, a woman--a slightly older woman--who
had played with the fragile wings of his boy's illusion and left them
wounded; he had fought down that weakness and learned to look on a soft
cheek and challenging eye with the calm, amused control of a man, who
invincibly henceforth would cast his life among men. There was not much
knowledge of life, if any, that could come to him. He did not proclaim
it, but quietly, as a great conviction, heritage of sorrow and smashing
disillusionments, he knew it was so. He knew it all--he was a man; and
this would give him an advantage among his younger fellows in the free
struggle for leadership that was now opening to his joyful combative
nature.
"It'll be a good fight, and I'll win," he said to himself, and his
crossed arms tightened with a quick, savage contraction, as if the idea
were something that could be pursued, tackled, and thrown headlong to
the ground.
"There's a couple of fellows from Lawrenceville coming up," said a voice
from a seat behind him. "McCarthy and Stover, they say, are quite
wonders."
"I've heard of Stover; end, wasn't he?"
"Yes; and the team's going to need ends badly."
It was the first time he had heard his name published abroad. He sat
erect, drawing up one knee and locking his hands over it in a strained
clasp. Suddenly the swimming vista of the smoky cars disappeared,
rolling up into the tense, crowded, banked arena, with white splotches
of human faces, climbing like daisy fields that moved restlessly,
nervously stirred by the same expectant tensity with which he stood on
the open field waiting for his chance to come.
"I like a fight--a good fight," he said to himself, drawing in his
breath; and the wish seemed but a simple one, the call for the joyful
shock of bodies in fair combat. And life was nothing else--a battle in
the open where courage and a thinking mind must win.
"I'll bet we get a lot of fruits," said Schley's rather calculating
voice.
"Oh, some of them aren't half bad."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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