Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in WomenEllis, Havelock
Science
Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in Women
Ellis, Havelock
Sex; Sex (Psychology)
girl's face, the perspiration on her forehead, and the whispered
query whether it pleased him. The embrace lasted for about ten
minutes, when the girl said it had "done her good." Later the
same day they met a girl cousin of this servant about 10 or 12
years old. The three went to a lonely part of the seashore. The
servant there suggested that T. should repeat the act with the
little girl. T. was too shy, though the girl seemed quite willing
and experienced. The older girl told the younger to keep watch a
few yards away, while she again brought about intercourse in the
same way. The servant told T. not to tell anyone. Intercourse
with the servant was never repeated after that day; from shame he
kept the promise for many years.
After this episode T. began to speculate about sexual matters and
to observe the coupling of dogs with newly acquired interest. At
10 years he often lay awake, listening to a woman of 25 singing
to a piano accompaniment. The woman's voice seemed very
beautiful, and so strongly impressed him that he fell in love
with her and longed to embrace her sexually. This secret
attachment was much more romantic than sensual, though the idea
of embracing the woman seemed to T. a natural part of the
romance. He was beginning to invest the sex with angelic
qualities. The thought of his adventure with the servant no
longer caused repulsion, but rather pleasure. He reflected that
if he could meet the girl now he could be very fond of her and
understand things better. At this time he had not masturbated,
nor even heard of the practice. One day, while playing with a
girl of his own age, he succeeded in overcoming her shyness and
induced her to expose herself, at the same time uncovering his
own sexual parts. On this occasion and once afterward he
succeeded in penetrating the vulva. Both he and the girl
experienced imperfect enjoyment.
At boarding-school, where he was sent at 10, T. learned the
vulgar phrases for sexual organs and sexual acts, and acquired
the habit of moderate masturbation. Coarse talk and indecent
jests about the opposite sex were common amusements of the
playroom and dormitories. At first the obscene conversation was
very distasteful; later he became more used to it, but thought it
strange that sex intimacy should be a subject for ridicule and
jest.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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