Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in WomenEllis, Havelock
Science
Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in Women
Ellis, Havelock
Sex; Sex (Psychology)
"My sisters and I were all violently argumentative, but our
quarrels were all on abstract subjects. We saw little of other
children and made no friendships, preferring each other's society
to that of outsiders. When I was about 10 a girl of the same age
came to stay with us for a few days. When we went to bed the
first night she asked me if I ever played with myself, whereupon
I took a great dislike to her. No sexual ideas or feelings were
excited. When still quite a child, however, I had feelings of
excitement which I now recognize as sexual. Such feelings always
came to me in bed (at least I cannot remember them at any other
time) and were generally accompanied by a gradually increasing
desire to make water. For a long time I would not dare to get out
of bed for fear of being scolded for staying awake, and only did
so at last when actually compelled. In the mean time the sexual
excitement increased also, and I believe I thought the latter was
the result of the former, or, perhaps, rather, that both were the
same thing. (This was when I was about 7 or 8 years old.) So far
as I can recollect, the excitement did not recur when the desire
to make water had been gratified. I seemed to remember wondering
why thinking of certain things (I can't remember what these were)
should make one want to urinate. (In later life I have found
that, if the bladder is not emptied before coitus, pleasure is
often more intense.) There were also feelings, which I now
recognize as sexual, in connection with ideas of whipping.
"As a child and girl I had very strong religious feelings (I
should have now if I could believe in the reality of religion),
which were absent in my sisters. These feelings were much the
same as I experienced later sexually; I felt toward God what I
imagined I should like to feel to my husband if I married. This,
I fancy, is what usually occurs. At 14 I went to a
boarding-school where there were seventy girls between 7 and 19.
I think it goes to show that there is but very little sexual
precocity among English girls that during the three years I
stayed there I never heard a word the strictest mother would have
objected to. One or two of the older girls were occasionally a
little sentimental, but on no occasion did I hear the physical
side of things touched upon. I think this is partly due to the
amount of exercise we took. When picturing my childhood I always
see myself racing about, jumping walls, climbing trees. In France
and Italy I have been struck by the greater sedateness of
Continental children. Our idea of naughtiness consisted chiefly
in having suppers in our bedrooms and sliding down the banisters
after being sent to bed. The first gratified our natural
appetite, while the second supplied the necessary thrill in the
fear of being caught.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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