Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in WomenEllis, Havelock
Science
Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in Women
Ellis, Havelock
Sex; Sex (Psychology)
1 reasserted itself over me. And then I met No. 3. We were
attracted to each other at first acquaintance, and the attraction
was mental and sexual. She was married and in love with another
man, but that did not prevent her from kissing me. I felt her
breasts, masturbated her, and had emissions by lying on her, but
she drew the line at one thing, viz., kissing on the lips; and I
drew it at coitus. We arranged a trip together during which I
went to bed with her, but never had coitus, though we both had
frequent orgasms in other ways. Before starting on this trip I
had thought that I should not see No. 1 again, and she let me
kiss her, to my unspeakable joy. Circumstances, however,
intervened, and I went straight to No. 1 after parting with No.
3, told her all I had done, and then kissed her again, leaving
her just before her real lover, with whom she was then living,
arrived. Later I returned again to No. 1, now in child to her
lover. We lived together for three nights in spite of this. She
then went home, and I had no connection with any woman for two
years, except one black woman, being consumed with love and
worship for No. 1. I was much in society, but never had any luck.
At the end of this time I was traveling one night with a young
officer ('X'), slight and effeminate and preferring men to women,
with whom I had been until then on friendly but not intimate
terms. I watched him undress and go to bed, and then, having
myself undressed, went over to his bunk and put my hand under his
clothes. He at once responded, and I got into his bed, both of us
being in a frenzy of passion and surprise. But I was fairly sure
of my ground or I would not have dared to take the risk. I used
often to go to his bed after this, and on one occasion had coitus
with a girl on a chair at a ball and the next night with my young
officer. I scarcely knew the girl, and don't know her name now,
but I took her measure, made her excited by manipulation and
kissing, and then got her consent. I did not harm her, even if I
had been the first, for orgasm occurred before I had penetrated
beyond the lips. X surprised me by telling me that he had had
connection with three other officers in my regiment, as well as
with several others in the same station. He would not tell me
their names, but I guessed easily enough. He used to drink
heavily, and once I got into his bed when he was in a drunken
stupor and he was quite unaware that I was there for some time. I
myself was drinking too much at this time, and was frequently
drunk before dinner. In the hot weather that followed I had one
orgy in Bombay which lasted three nights. I started on a Greek
and a Pole and finished up with a Japanese, two brother-officers
accompanying me. Afterward I was much alone during the day in my
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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