Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in WomenEllis, Havelock
Science
Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in Women
Ellis, Havelock
Sex; Sex (Psychology)
bungalow, and used to become possessed by intense desire. I
masturbated occasionally, but by this time took but little
pleasure in it, always craving for the moist human vagina. I had
often heard, and myself quoted, the Pathan proverb 'Women for
breeding; boys for pleasure; melons for delight,' and one day
when seeking for some novelty with which to masturbate, and my
eye being caught by a melon put ready for me to eat, it flashed
across me to try whether the proverb was in any way true. I found
it most satisfactory, and practised it several times after that,
the pepita (papaye or pawpaw) being the nearest approach to the
human vagina. The opportune arrival of a fairly good-looking
punkah woman, however, put an end to this form of enjoyment by
providing me with what I wanted. Soon afterward I went home
again, taking the Japanese at Bombay on my way.
"I had kept up a correspondence with No. 1 all this time, but we
had made a compact that whatever each did until we met again was
not to count, and I knew that she had had at least one liaison
since our parting, and was in entire ignorance of the state of
her feelings toward me. Therefore, while trying to arrange a
meeting with her, I took the first thing that chance threw in my
way, thinking a bird in the hand better than the off chance of a
better one in the bush. This was No. 4, with whom I spent three
days at the seaside after having first had coitus with her in my
own home while she was in the monthly state. Immediately on
parting from her I came home to receive No. 1. The first time we
were alone she kissed me, and this was followed by mutual
confessions and coitus, though at first she said my affair was
too recent. I agreed not to have connection again with No. 4, and
kept to this until when staying in the same house again with her
I was tempted beyond my powers; and I may add that she gave me no
assistance in keeping this promise, of which she was fully
cognizant. I at once wrote and confessed to No. 1, and she very
naturally would have nothing more to do with me. But I managed to
reconcile her, and we afterward lived together for three days in
the country, as well as in London and in her own house. Meanwhile
No. 5 had been making advances to me which I could not well
refuse, being a very old friend. Nos. 4 and 5 were on one
occasion staying together at my house, just after I had been
faithless to No. 1 with No. 4. I could not very well sleep with
them both, so at the earnest entreaty of No. 4 I went to her room
first, told her my reasons for not having connection with her,
left her in tears, and then went and slept with No. 5. This is
the only transaction I have ever concealed from No. 1; but No. 5
knows my whole story and accepts the situation of being only
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