Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in WomenEllis, Havelock
Science
Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in Women
Ellis, Havelock
Sex; Sex (Psychology)
"All through my college course I was much in the society of
girls. We were in class together, associated very freely in
society, frequently studied together. This is the most usual
state of things in the western part of our country. But they were
simply comrades: sex thoughts never arose in connection with such
association. And I am quite certain that this was the general
attitude of the other boys. Although the talk among the boy
students was at times, very frankly and crudely, about sexual
relations, no breath of scandal ever touched one of the college
girls. Again my experience as teacher and student brings a
conclusion that coeducation of the sexes does not affect, in one
way or the other, the strictly sexual life of the male student. A
very intimate friend who has had a varied experience in school
work has told me recently that his conclusions are the same.
"When I was about 20 years old I became acquainted with a very
beautiful girl, four years my junior. Our acquaintance very
rapidly developed into deeper affection, and about five years
later we were married. During all this time very little of the
physical aspects of love entered into our attachment. My
sweetheart had much of the same shyness as was so pronounced in
my own character. For several years I think that the thought of
marriage was never distinctly present in our minds. A formal
betrothal between us did not take place until within a year and a
half of our marriage. Yet each of us had a very distinct
understanding of the feelings of the other. But until our
betrothal there were none of even those very innocent expressions
of endearment common, I imagine, to all lovers. I am sure that
during this period of our attachment no thought of any physical
relations between us was ever in my mind; or, at any rate, was
promptly banished if it occurred. Yet all this time my sex
desires were very strong and at times became an obsession. Never,
though, were they directed toward my sweetheart. The first time
that we engaged in the endearments and caresses allowed to lovers
I became conscious, after a time, of a state of sexual
excitement. I experienced an erection. It was absolutely reflex;
no thought had entered into it. I was at once overwhelmed with a
feeling of shame. I felt that I had been guilty of unthinkable
indecency toward my betrothed. Then there arose a fear that it
might be noticed. (Men at that time wore abominably tight
clothing.) As a matter of fact, I now know that there was no real
danger of this, for she was absolutely ignorant of the nature of
the male sexual organs. But I made a pretext for withdrawing from
the room and tried to adjust my clothing so that no exposure
could occur. I was fearful of coming into close proximity to her
again, lest there should be a recurrence of the feeling. As a
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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